


Someone Used to Love Me Like That

by dharma_club



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: 2018-2019 NHL Season, 2019-2020 NHL Season, Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, M/M, Threesome - M/M/M, age difference as a plot device
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2020-11-07 22:51:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20825129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dharma_club/pseuds/dharma_club
Summary: Sometimes your boyfriend GM used to date your teammate you maybe have a crush on. That is definitely a thing that happens to people, right?Or: William Nylander deals with falling in love, getting a boyfriend and freaking coming out. In no particular order.





	1. How it Starts

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to lovely Funnelgirl_Ex for the beta. Any remaining mistakes are my own.
> 
> I don't really know what to say. This was a plot bunny that got out of hand? I've been thinking back on my own experiences dating people who are much older and how age is just one of the the power imbalances possible and how these guys could maybe possibly handle it. 
> 
> Willy isn't super reflective, so it's been an interesting PoV to write. 
> 
> Oh, fic is finished, I've just decided to post as two parts as an experiment. DM me on tumblr if you feel you need to know the endgame before reading.

Contrary to what his judgemental brother might suggest, William does not go into contract negotiations with any intention of seducing his GM, thank you very much.

It just sort-of, kind-of... _happens_.

One moment he’s on the phone placating his agent and repeating, again, that he is more than capable of having a solo conversation with said GM. Who, by the way, he’s had a great working relationship with for the last four years.

And then the next he’s staring at Kyle Dubas getting up from a table and looking like an absolute snack. It’s not like he didn’t notice Kyle being cute before, with his boy-next-door charm or his I’m-just-one-of-the-guys act as if he wasn’t a hundred times more intelligent than all of them put together (if you exclude Hyms, probably).

William has indeed noticed the hot nerd glasses and his own subsequent newfound appreciation for Kyle’s jawline. He’s also noticed the way Kyle’s suits have improved, not that he would call them good even now, but the new cut does show off Kyle’s shoulders and ass.

But it’s like he’s never realized all of these details together equal new levels of hotness. Serious daddy levels of hotness.

It’s more than just someone being attractive. With all due respect, William spends a lot of his time surrounded by extremely attractive people and does not fawn all over them (most of the time). At that moment, in a weird hotel in Switzerland of all places, Kyle's Dubas has managed to be both extremely attractive and attainable.

“It’s good to see you, Willy.” Kyle says as they shake hands.

“Well, you came all this way just for me,” William answers, grinning.

Really, it’s not exactly William’s fault he ends up flirting with Kyle throughout lunch. It’s not very subtle but it’s not like Kyle seems to mind. He occasionally smiles at William’s antics or raises an eyebrow once or twice at an awkwardly placed pun. William’s pretty sure his half-arsed attempts don’t read as anything other than William being a goof.

Kyle makes Will homesick and wishful, longing for Toronto ice and being with the team more than he allowed himself to until now. Kyle knows what he’s doing too, refuses to talk money and instead tells William about the way they’re going to structure lines this year, how not having Zach on their line will affect William and Auston, as if it’s a given that William is going to be there, that it’s still his spot on that first line regardless of the situation they’re in. William can appreciate how good Kyle is at this, subtle and cunning but never cruel, never hurtful.

Kyle makes him feel needed and in return William smiles coyly and brushes his hands over Kyle’s arm way more often than necessary. It’s harmless, or so he thinks, this juvenile flirting that should mean nothing except then at the end of lunch Kyle catches him by surprise.

“Are you staying in Zurich?” He asks, hand brushing William’s wrist casually where he put it on the table between them.

William gulps and nods. “Yeah, we have rink time scheduled tomorrow morning.”

Kyle nods.

“I’m having dinner with David tonight, but I’d like to see you again.”

It’s pretty blunt, but William feels like he needs to make sure, too much at stake to get this wrong.

“I would want the next contract talk to include the rest of my team, if that’s okay,” he says carefully.

“I don’t think we have much to discuss about the contract anymore, do we?”

Kyle raises an eyebrow and William grins. It’s not expected at all, but it’s one hell of a nice a nice surprise.

* * *

  
William takes an Uber to Kyle’s hotel. It’s not a date, so he refuses to dress up for it, refuses to make it mean anything. Instead he takes comfort in the fact his sweatpants and coat help him blend back into the crowd of tourists and business people in the hotel lobby.

“Hey,” Kyle says opening the door, then walks back into his suite without saying anything else.

He lost the jacket since lunch and his shirt is half unbuttoned. It feels like an invitation.

It seems ridiculous to think Kyle Dubas has invited him to his hotel room for a hookup, but William knows there is very little either of them can do or say to deny what this looks like.

“Good meeting?” he asks, shutting the door behind him.

Kyle raises an eyebrow. William can see he’s pouring a drink. Probably whiskey. It’s so pretentious it makes William want to laugh at him. Laugh at them both.

He drops his coat on the hanger.

“Want anything?” Kyle asks, ignoring William’s previous question.

William shakes his head.

His heart is beating faster than he’d like. He feels both the most brave and the most cowardly he’s ever felt, it’s kind of a rush. Kyle is strong and solid, exudes quiet confidence with an ease that, at this very moment, Wiliiam envies with all of his being. He feels at a disadvantage.

So he stays standing near the entrance to the suite, not sure what comes next. It’s pretty big, two couches, a commode with a TV above it, and a huge curtain covered window with a door, probably leading to a balcony with some amazing views. He guesses there’s a second room where the actual bedroom is. He wonders if he can get away with the cheesiness of asking Kyle to show it to him.

“Well, this isn’t sketchy at all,” he says instead and Kyle raises a sardonic eyebrow at him, sipping from his drink. “I wonder if this is how call girls feel.”

Kyle doesn’t react, instead he sits down on the sofa, legs spread, and that one is definitely an invitation.

“Want something?” William asks, teasing, repeating Kyle’s words from earlier. If it’s even half as clever as it sounded in his brain, it’s a win.

It’s easier when this is a game, just another negotiation to play out.

“Are you going to give me a lap dance?” Kyle asks, challenging.

“Depends. Are you going to tip me?” William bites his lower lip. He knows exactly how he looks and he’s not afraid to use it, not here, not anymore.

“I’m pretty sure I can’t afford your prices,” Kyle smiles. It’s teasing, but warm. “Come here.”

Kyle reaches a hand towards him, and William doesn’t even notice he’s moving until he’s holding it. Kyle pulls him down until William is straddling him, bodies flush. It’s almost too easy to lean in when Kyle cups is jaw.

Kyle kisses like he does everything else, with ease and confidence. His lips are sure against William’s, his hands running over William’s back and down to his ass.

William leans in and licks into Kyle’s mouth, loses himself in it and just enjoys Kyle’s roaming hands exploring feverently. It becomes increasingly impossible to think, just overwhelming need and want running through him.

“More,” he whines.

Kyle bites his collarbone and Will moans, confused and needy. He just wants, wants, wants and it’s a little too much of it already. A little too scary.

He’s still straddling Kyle, and he knows he can easily get up and leave if he needs to but he feels trapped, his heart beating wildly. He’s so hard, desperate, but it’s more than just need that has him shaken. He’s never felt more young and inexperienced, aching and wanting and not even knowing what it is he wants.

“Willy?” Kyle smiles, licks across the skin he just bit, looks up at William and waits.

His hair is messed up, chest red with a subtle flush. It makes it easier, makes him human, and possible, and safe. William wants him more than he’s ever wanted anyone else.

“Don’t play with me,” William whispers, almost begs. Kyle’s eyes grow wide with surprise before turning softer, William’s heart still beating wildly in his chest.

“Never.” Kyle whispers before pulling William down for another kiss.

He lets Kyle kiss him, melts into it and surrenders to whatever pace Kyle is driving.

It’s a lot, just feeling everything, being open and vulnerable to whatever this is.

“Come on, show me those abs,” Kyle laughs softly, pushes at William’s clothes.

It helps, breaks the weird headspace William got himself into, so he giggles, despite himself.

“Checking on my training, General Manager?”

“Come on, you weirdo,” Kyle laughs and it’s easier this way.

They remove William’s shirt, push his sweatpants down, and finally Kyle has his hands around William’s cock. Kyle’s fingers are sure but gentle, William just lets him do whatever he wants.

He comes right there, sitting in Kyle’s lap, breathing wetly against Kyle’s still clothed shoulder.

He does get to see the bedroom soon after.

* * *

William doesn’t quite know how they got there, but it actually turns into something. Kyle returns to Toronto and William flies to Austria but they keep up. Send each other flirty text messages and photos, spend long hours facetiming at the oddest times. It’s, for lack of anything else to call it, nice.

Alex leaves for Buffalo at some point and while William has people around him; his mom and Jackie, other people coming at going, it’s still depressingly lonely. Having Kyle to talk to helps with that.

It’s easy to think of him and Kyle as a unit despite the distance. Neither of them is actively doing the work on redlining William’s contract, but both of them know they’re the ones ultimately standing at opposite ends of that bridge. It’s easy to push things to get done, to compromise, when you trust the other side. It’s like this thing makes the mutual end goal be clearer. They never talk about about Wiliam’s contract after that first lunch in Zurich, but it doesn’t matter. It’s there, hovering between them.

It’s a huge relief when it’s done.

Kyle is in William’s apartment two hours after William lands in Toronto, standing there on William’s doorstep like the dork he is.

“Are you like, like, my boyfriend?” William asks Kyle between kisses, he’s breathless and he can’t stop smiling, this giddy feeling overcoming every other thought.

Kyle is smiling back, radiant. “Nice of you to catch on, Willy.”

William laughs into Kyle’s mouth and it’s frankly disgusting. Definitely the worst kiss William’s ever had. It’s kind of perfect.

* * *

Before Kyle, William usually spent a decent amount of time with the team, but just doesn’t work like that this year.

Zach laughs when William admits he feels like a shitty friend as they’re sitting in a bar with Mitch. It’s William’s first time out with anyone from the team in three weeks.

“Just tell us who she is when you’re ready,” he says.

“What do you mean?” William asks carefully.

“Come on,” Mitch giggles. “You’re very obviously doing the thing where you get into a relationship and stop having time for anybody else. You’ll get over it.”

William does not appreciate getting life advice from Mitch Marner, who is younger than him and has definitely been trying to balance a stick on his ass this very morning, but he has to admit it does ring true. And Mitch has been dating his girlfriend successfully for as long as William’s known him.

He guesses it’s kind of like last year when Kappy got together with his girl and William was forced to go hang at Zach’s because while they had a great apartment, the walls weren’t super thick.

He was pretty salty about it at the time, but he gets it now. Relationship sex is amazing.

William likes being the center of attention during sex, and with Kyle he gets exactly that.

It’s not weird. Kyle’s maybe older than William, but it’s not like that. He’s definitely younger than some other guys who William used to go home with, before. And William’s had experiences where he felt more used than cherished so he can tell the difference. It wasn’t ever really bad, but looking back, some things weren’t things he enjoyed.

With Kyle it’s fast and intense, and sometimes William can’t tell if a bruise on his thigh is from hockey or from Kyle digging in his fingers. Then again it’s also cuddling, and kissing leisurely when Kyle is inside him. It’s, well, it’s sweet, really.

* * *

At the odd times William tries to be introspective and explain in words why they work (to himself, it’s not a subject he can discuss with anyone else), he really doesn’t have any idea how..

Kyle is kind, and whip smart, and he just gets William. It’s the most effortless and work-intensive relationship William has ever had, all at the same time.

William’s not in love with him, because he’s mature enough to understand it’s not how things work in real life, that love is a thing that develops - it doesn’t just appear. But he sure likes dating Kyle, thinks it’s worth the effort.

“Is it harder to be with me, because of hockey?” William asks, curious.

His life is what it is and he is not interested in changing anything about it, but he’d like to know. Kyle just shrugs.

“I have dated athletes before.” Kyle tells him and William squints at him, pretending to be jealous, so he amends, “Well, one.”

William grins. “Were they drafted higher than me?”

Kyle laughs, kisses William on the temple.

“Not even close.”

* * *

Alex is the only one who knows about them, and he doesn’t quite approve, but he does begrudgingly accept that dating Kyle makes William happy.

They can’t really date like a normal couple, but that wasn’t in the cards for William anyway, gay office romance notwithstanding. And they find other ways to spend time together - it helps a lot that they basically have the same traveling schedule during the season. And it really, really helps that Kyle gets his own hotel room every away game he’s with the team.

For their six month anniversary Kyle gets a private dining room for them in one of William’s favorite restaurants and hires a catering staff for the event, who apparently all signed some crazy NDA. It figures Kyle’s gift to him included elaborate paperwork.

William gets Kyle a vintage signed Ghostbusters poster. He had Tom Ford cufflinks in his pocket just in case, but he feels like he did the right thing there.

“You’re both disgusting,” Alex says cheerily when William tells him. They’re avoiding talking about hockey, so William lets him be an ass. Anyway, it’s as much of an endorsement as he’s ever going to get.

* * *

The season doesn't end great. William’s never been one of the guys who take it super hard, but it’s still a disappointment. He wanted to do better, wanted better for them as a team.

It’s also weird because his dad immediately suggested both he and Alex fly back home the day after locker cleanout, so they can all be together for William’s birthday. Will sure doesn’t feel like celebrating, the disappointment still burning through him, and he also maybe, kind of wanted to stay around for a while to spend some time with Kyle.

“The girls miss you. We miss you!” His mom says when he mentions maybe postponing his flight.

“I know, mom,” he sighs.

“It’s important to spend time with the people you care for.” She continues.

It’s frustrating because it’s exactly what he’s trying to do here, but it’s not something he can even imagine telling his parents. Just thinking the word _boyfriend_ while on the phone with his mom is giving him anxiety. So that’s that.

As a goodbye present to himself William spends his last hours in the same city as Kyle trying to choke himself on his boyfriend’s dick.

It’s taking Kyle longer than usual to come, and Will’s jaw starts hurting, but that’s only because Kyle has already come once, the evidence of it still smeared on William’s thighs, despite both of their attempts to clean it up between getting lost in each other again.

William can’t believe they won’t get to do this for months now.

“So good, babe,” Kyle pants. “Almost there.”

So William takes him deeper, lets Kyle’s fill his throat until his eyes are stinging, then does it again.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Kyle mutters under his breath, then, “Willy, I…”

And he pushes him off, which William is not happy about.

“Dude,” he says, and boy does his throat sound wrecked.

“Wanna fuck you, are you—”

Will’s still wet from earlier and he’s hard again, so it’s not a difficult decision to make.

“Yeah.” He rasps.

“Come here.”

Kyle’s over him the moment William’s on the bed, pushes him on his back and grabs his thighs, holds on as he slides back into William.

Kyle’s anger at their playoff run is sharper than William’s, more palpable. He doesn’t let it out at the rink, doesn’t let it affect him except drive them all to do better. But sometimes, when it’s just two of them, like this, William thinks maybe Kyle tries to fuck out all his frustrations.

Kyle just goes at it, fast and erratic, and the pace of it makes William sort of stupid and grateful, his skin sweaty all over. Kyle goes deep and hard, and for a second William doesn’t care about any of it, not hockey and not the team and not the fucking Stanley Cup, nothing exists except the pure pleasure of Kyle driving into him, and the rush in his ears as Willam comes and comes.

He only passingly notices Kyle swear and falter, misses the exact moment Kyle freezes and  
lets his own orgasm wash over him.

William’s eyes are still shut when Kyle falls next to him on the bed.

“Fuck, that was something.”

“Say that again,” William giggles.

“I’m gonna miss you,” Kyle kisses his temple and William sighs. It’s nice. “Wanna have a go at the shower?”

“Argh, don’t remind me.”

He feels kind of zombie-like as he gets up, carefully padding out of the bedroom. He kind of wishes they had time for a cuddle and a nap instead of him needing to rush to the airport.

It’s easier to remember he’s a human being and not a sex puppet after a shower. Everything still sucks, but at least he doesn’t have come his hair (which he doesn’t even know how it got there, but it did).

“So,” Kyle says when Will gets back to the bedroom.

He’s just standing there holding William’s jeans. William follows his eyes down to look at the floor, where William’s t-shirt is lying crumpled and dirty. It’s sad, really, William’s clothes are way too nice to function as a come-rag.

“Did you—?”

“Yeah,” Kyle seems sheepish, but not apologetic at all. “Sorry?”

“Come on, everything I own is packed.” William whines. “What am I supposed to do, go to the airport shirtless?”

Kyle laughs, the asshole. “How am I not surprised that’s the first thing you think about?”

William will not stand for this type of abuse and grabs his jeans from Kyle.

“Don’t be a brat, just take one of my shirts.”

William considers, it actually sounds nice; wearing his boyfriend’s clothes.

He roams through Kyle’s dresser once Kyle goes take a quick shower and then considers going shirtless again. It’s all the fifty shades of grey jokes he does not want to make because he honestly thinks handcuffs might be in their future, and that would be tempting fate or something.

He grabs the nicest shade of blue he can find in Kyle’s truly depressing and monotone drawer of blue-grey-black athletic wear. He hopes that if it was on the bottom it means it’s less used and therefore hasn’t been washed to death, since Kyle also refuses to buy new clothing when he obviously needs it desperately.

It’s. It’s a nice sweatshirt. That obviously does not belong to Kyle.

It looks familiar in a vague way. William first notices the lettering color and his brain registers the blue-yellow combination and goes _cool, Sweden_. Then he reads it. Michigan Hockey.

And yeah, he’s seen this sweatshirt many times. Even if it didn’t click for him before, the way the small “11” on the chest stands out is enough to make it obvious.

There are a lot of ways, William tells himself, in which Kyle would end up with Zach Hyman’s college sweatshirt. So many. William just happens to think of only one because he’s a drama queen.

One other athlete, not even close, Kyle said.

He can hear the shower turn off, so he does the only thing his panic addled brain is capable of at that very moment and stuffs the sweatshirt into his backpack. Then he grabs a plain white t-shirt from another drawer and gets it over his head as fast as he can.

It’s not his proudest moment.

His heart is beating wildly when Kyle comes back into the bedroom. He lets Kyle hug and kiss him goodbye, somehow faking normality and clutching his backpack like his life depends on it.

“Have a good summer,“ Kyle says, cupping William’s face. “Be ready to kick ass when you come back.”

“Yeah, you too.”

William does not run away. But it feels like it, a little.

It’s just that, you know, sometimes you find out your boyfriend (who is also your GM) and one of your teammates used to date, or something. It's chill.

* * *

Summer is great. William rests, trains, and spends time with his family.

He doesn’t overthink anything at all.

Keeping in touch is not his strong suit, so he texts with Kyle and tries to make sure they get to talk at least every few days, but it’s not easy.

They’re operating on opposite wave-lengths for a while, what with William trying to relax as much as possible before he gets into the real heavy duty training while Kyle spends a huge amount of that time intensely focused on the draft, and trades, and other GM duties William really doesn’t know anything about.

Then by the time Kyle is ready for a vacation; as much as possible of the important shit squared away, William is gearing up towards training for the next season, his mind refocusing on the targets ahead.

It sucks that they couldn’t even find one weekend to get away together.

“I miss you,” William whines over facetime in the middle of July.

It’s childish, but he wants to be placated for a while. Not that Kyle is cooperating - he’s being reasonable, the bastard.

“So come to Toronto. You can train here,” Kyle says. “Come, do some PR stuff. I think a bunch of the guys are around at the end of the month for something?”

They are. Mitch has something going on and Zach is doing his golf thing again this year. William has declined both invites as soon as he got them.

“Zach is doing his charity thing,” William says, awkwardly. He’s afraid that mentioning Mitch might give Kyle an aneurysm at this point.

“Sounds fun. You should go,” Kyle is grinning on William’s screen. “I’m saying this for the sake of your public image, of course. It’s not like I am invested in the outcome.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my public image,” William pretends to pout and Kyle laughs, exactly like William wanted him to.

William is just not sure he can face Toronto, yet. And by Toronto William mostly means Zach.

The thought of having to talk to him, pretend like William doesn’t know the things he knows, sits heavy on his chest like a huge guilty thing. They texted a few times, mostly because William needed to make sure Zach was healthy, but even that felt awkward.

William’s not sure how he’s going to handle being in the same city as Zach, so why force it before he has to.

“Come back early.” Kyle suggests.

“Yeah, maybe.”

But he doesn’t mean it, and it sucks because it means waiting for more than a month before he gets to see Kyle.

* * *

Taking the sweatshirt was one thing. It’s exactly the impulsive thing William would do, selfish and careless, oblivious of the meaning of what he does until much later.

Wearing it all the time like it’s a prized possession is another thing entirely.

* * *

What makes it weird is, William used to think about Zach. That way.

More than he ever should've with someone who only saw him as a friend, definitely more than he ever did with Pasta, or Kappy, or Auston. Sure, he kind of thought about most guys he was friends with; this juvenile, breathless curiosity, or loneliness, or this gnawing feeling of are you like me. But with Zach, it just meant more.

He remembers wanting to touch him all the time. Going out with the Marlies and sharing a chair with Zach; how Zach put his arm around William’s shoulders, how their thighs were pressed to each other. It’s a stupid memory from three years ago, but he still remembers it with vivid detail. That basic touch made him feel dizzy and desperate, blushing furiously and grateful for the vodka taste in his mouth that could mask his full blown homo moment as something stupid to be set aside and locked away.

Even now, that memory means more to him than some actual sex he had that year.

It was so messed up. It just kind of blended together, how he felt about Zach, and coming to terms with being gay, and how he hated most of the guys he let fuck him back then.

Back then William never closed his eyes and straight out thought about how touching Zach with intent would feel. He told himself he couldn't do that because that would be crossing a line, but the truth is he was too afraid someone could catch him looking at Zach and be able to tell.

But now, now that he knows they share this weird connection, it’s like he has permission. Like a seal has been broken and William cannot stop the images running through his mind. It’s like he has subscribed to a Zach Hyman prono channel that runs 24/7 exclusively in his head.

He can’t help it - he knows Kyle pretty damn well by now, knows what he likes and how he likes it. Combine it with years of crushing on Zach; watching him get dressed, and tape his stick, and that one glorious time, lick ice-cream off his fingers, and it isn’t even pure imagination at that point, it’s like, some deductive shit.

So it kind of becomes the summer he fantasizes about Zach.

William jerks off in the shower and imagines Zach on his knees, looking up, a hand forcing his jaw wider.

He thinks about how Zach would whimper as he holds onto the headboard, the same headboard William is leaning against as he sits in his bed, wearing the sweatshirt he stole, his hand on his own cock, picturing Zach’s face as someone else jerks him off fast and rough.

The part of his brain that’s in charge of coming up with dirty thoughts is doing overtime and the worst of all is that when William miraculously remembers not to be a creep and forces himself to think about his boyfriend, his lovely boyfriend who he misses terribly, his fantasies just turn into the Zach and Kyle show.

William would drag himself into the shower after training and passingly think about missing Kyle, about Kyle kissing him, sweet and confident like he sometimes does, and suddenly, without him meaning to at all, he’s in a communal shower imagining Zach’s thighs burning with the effort as he rides Kyle, how Kyle would whisper _come on, babe, you can do it_.

Incidentally, getting a semi in the locker room next to Rasmus Sandin is not something Willam is into at all so he forces the thoughts away.

* * *

Somehow it gets simultaneously better and worse once summer is over and he’s back in Toronto.

To start things off, William feels like he is mildly going crazy. He thought, assumed, that this history Kyle and Zach share is something he missed. He misses things sometimes, like Kassu breaking things off with his girl for a few weeks, or that time William accidentally drove to Brownie old apartment two months after he moved.

Sure, he’s not the most naturally observant guy, but he’s usually good about noticing things when he’s really paying attention.

So he watches as Zach smiles lopsidedly when he turns to look at Kyle, both of them standing together waiting for Matts for finish examining his stupid clubs.

He watches Kyle sit down next to Zach in the press box and shake his hand.

Watches Zach and Kyle be exactly who they always were, and William doesn’t understand any of it. No hidden glances, no awkwardness at all - it’s. Infuriating.

William watches all the time now, and what becomes obvious is that there is really no way to tell anything was ever there. It’s mind-boggling.

What he does notice, embarrassingly, is apparently he missed that Zach openly dates guys now.

They’re at a club with the most of the team, and while clubs stopped being fun for William when he stopped hooking up, the alternative was staying in and eavesdropping as Kyle rips Auston a new one over the phone - so clubbing is was. (Sometimes it was weird to have his boyfriend be all of their boss.)

He is casually hanging with Travis and Freddie while Kassu, his girlfriend, and Zach are dancing with a group of prospects not far off.

He can spot one of the guys he doesn’t know not-so-casually plastering himself all over Zach’s back. Which is kind of rude, but Zach seems to be taking it in stride, throwing his head back and smiling at the guy.

And without ever expecting it, William is definitely watching some dude hump Zach’s ass. Great. Because what his arsenal of fantasies was missing is the absolute knowledge of how Zach’s throat looks when he leans back into another man.

William is usually a chill guy, but he doesn’t feel chill right now.

“Since when is Zach gay?” he asks, out loud, a little transfixed by the sight.

“Uhm, always?” Travis says, looking confused.

“Zach’s bi,” Freddie corrects him instead. He looks like Fred always does, slightly bored and extremely judgemental, and William’s isn’t sure he can handle how his world keeps shifting.

“Oh. Okay.”

* * *

He has always thought Zach is wonderful in this wholesome, uncomplicated way that makes William want to do better as, like, a human. Which is ridiculous and confusing because William doesn’t really think there’s anything lacking about who he is and he doesn’t usually feel like he needs to change.

Zach is also sarcastic, and petty, and occasionally condescending, which makes it possible for William to be actual friends with him.

He’s one of William’s favorite people on the team, always has been.

That’s why it sucks that William has to avoid him all the time now. It isn’t the grown up thing to do, but at this point of William’s life, everything about Zach seems to just make his brain implode.

Spending time with Zach would mean fantasizing about Zach, and Will has a hockey season to smash, he can not afford the distraction. He also really doesn't want to explain to Kyle that he can’t get it up because he already jerked off three times that morning to the thoughts of an ex Kyle didn’t tell him about.

So, trying not to communicate with or see Zach more than he needs to seems like the best plan overall.

What ruins it Zach is way too bossy to let that slide. Zach waits a week before he does something about it, not because he didn’t notice, but because he was hoping William wouldn’t need more than a week to get over himself (at least that’s how Kassu describes it to William afterwards).

Doing something about it, unfortunately, is showing up at William’s place unannounced on a random Tuesday afternoon.

“So,” Zach says, as William opens the door. “Didn’t expect you to go all homophobic on me.”

And that’s when William’s life falls apart because, unfortunately, he chooses to open said door wearing Zach’s sweatshirt.

And for one pure moment of clarity William thinks that oh, so this where it’s been leading to all along. He can’t even pretend it’s anything other than self-destruction.

“Hi, Will,” Zach says, staring at him, eyes flicking down.

“Hi,” William says. He tries smiling, but he’s pretty sure his face is doing something really weird instead.

“You’re wearing my shirt, Willy,” Zach says.

For a second William considers the merits of pretending he doesn’t understand what Zach is talking about. Considers just playing dumb and not acknowledging this thing that’s happening. Then he remembers he respects Zach too much for that to go down, just likes him too much for his own good.

More than anything, he wished he could go back in time and stop himself from taking the damn thing. Or maybe, stop himself from climbing into Kyle’s lap that very first time and creating this fucking situation.

This, he thinks to himself, must be the worst way possible to come out to someone.

He wishes Zach had found out differently, would know because William came out to him when Zach just showed up in Toronto, instead of realizing this huge thing about each other because they both definitely boned their GM.

He can imagine how it could’ve gone if he told Zach back, how Zach’s eyes would’ve gone big with surprise when William told him. How maybe he’d whisper _yeah, me too_.

It’s a nice fantasy, but it didn’t happen that way. Instead, they’re here.

“Yeah,” William admits, quiet.

He doesn’t know what he thought would happen anymore, but he sure didn’t want this.

“You’re not looking guilty because you stole a sweatshirt, are you?” Zach asks and thank god he isn’t stupid, becuase at least he understands everything without William needing to say it.

It’s unnecessary, but he shakes his head anyway. Zach just looks at him, pensive.

“This is awkward,” William tries to lighten the mood.

“It wasn’t, you know, recent,” Zach offers, awkwardly looking at the floor and William wants to laugh at how ridiculous this is. Because Zach thinking Will needs reassurance, or kindness, or whatever, is just. God.

William didn’t know, but he wanted this to happen, and it’s a horrible thing to realize about himself, that he tried to shock Zach into a reaction for no good reason but wanting the attention. There were so many better opportunities to tell Zach, but he didn’t.

And the worst, most terrible thing is William feels better. Feels grateful this is happening.

“I know,” he says simply and Zach looks up sharply at him, taken aback.

He looks surprised, hurt in a way Zach usually wouldn’t let William see. It feels wretched, but it’s also a lot, to get to see so much raw emotion. He wants to bottle it and carry it around, own a tiny piece of Zach that’s more real than all the posturing and bro-ness of it all.

“I mean, I guessed,” he corrects himself.

He remembers being twelve and seeing a teammate break his leg. There was real flesh and bone and blood. It was so vivid and real. It was terrible and it has stuck in his head, even after all this time. He thinks this moment is kind of like that. A compound fracture to the heart of his and Zach’s friendship.

“Oh, that’s good.” Zach looks distant, a little annoyed. He rolls his eyes at Will, just like he’s done countless times in the four years they’ve know each other and it’s almost normal, except it hurts.

Zach knows now. Zach knows about William, and he knows about William and Kyle, and he knows that William knows about Zach and Kyle. There’s not much else to say here, really.

“Do you want to come in?” William asks stepping back and Zach shakes his head.

“I’m gonna,” he says abruptly, licks his lips. Will stares and Zach huffs, turns to go. “See you in practice.”

William doesn’t know how to deal with any of it so he texts Auston and they go shopping. It’s the most depressing ten grand either of them have ever spent.

* * *

It would’ve been easy to pretend William imagined the whole thing if Zach hadn’t taken him aside the next morning to tell him he hopes it doesn’t change anything between them.

“Do you mind if I talk to you about it?” William asks him. He doesn’t know why, it’s not like he needs a shoulder to cry on about being gay or a friend to tell him how to handle his boyfriend. He has Alex, and he definitely can’t imagine going to Zach when those things are about Kyle.

“Sure,” Zach smiles and William is so grateful he hugs him.

William means to put in the effort and make sure they’re going to be okay, but nothing changes about how Zach treats him after that, so it feels weird to force the subject.

For a while, it’s as if that awkward conversation has never happened.

Zach isn’t around as much, still only training with Dermott and the other no contact guys. William misses him. He knows it has nothing to do with anything he did or said, it’s just how things are when someone is injured. But it feels personal despite everything he tells himself.

It doesn’t make his life easier that he hasn’t yet told Kyle any of it.

William pretends he needs alone time and avoids Kyle for five whole days, but then gives up and spends the night at Kyle’s.

“You’re okay?” Kyle asks him, making a cup of coffee. He bought a Nespresso machine since the last time William was in his apartment and thank god for that.

“Yeah.”

“It’s just, you’re acting weird.” Kyle says carefully, sneaks a hand into William’s sweater, rubbing his back.

“I’m not.” William insists. Turns to kiss under Kyle’s jaw. Those five days felt like forever and William feels contact-hungry, his skin itching.

“You’ve been weird for a while.” Kyle doesn’t relent. William likes him a lot. Like, a really crazy amount.

“Mmm, I missed you,” William says and then kisses Kyle with everything he has.

Kyle rolls his eyes.

“Good deflection.”

Kyle is so careful with him that night that it drives William mad, and not in the good way. He’s used to sex being fast and gratifying, but apparently Kyle is into taking things slow now. It’s exhausting and it’s freaking long.

It’s not even like when he used to fuck girls, getting his and then spending extra twenty minutes going down on the girl to make sure she gets to her orgasm as well. It’s just lengthy, and teasing, and William’s not in the right mindset to have his ass played with for that long of a time.

It’s a relief when the sex is over and Will sneaks away while Kyle is in the shower.

He sends a quick apologetic text and plays some stupid shooter game with Alex over Skype instead.

* * *

He feels bad about the entire thing the next day. Bad sex doesn’t mean he can just not spend time with his boyfriend. Especially since it’s a single, first-time bad sex experience.

He’s not looking forward to discussing it. Not looking forward to talking at all, since talking would definitely bring up the Zach thing. And for all of the obsessing William’s done over Zach, and Zach and Kyle, over the last six months, he’s not ready to address what it might mean for his own feelings for Kyle.

He planned on sneaking in to Kyle’s office to steal a few moments alone, but it doesn’t quite work out because, and it seems to be the common thread in life now, Zach Hyman got there first.

“—maybe you should fuck someone who’s your equal for once, and then—”

Zach is standing in the middle of the office so he stops and turns around at the sound of the door. He sighs when he sees William. Kyle is sitting on the edge of his desk, arms folded.

“Sorry, Will,” Zach says, turning back to look at Kyle. Who, it seems, is ignoring William.

“It's okay,” William says, small. This is probably the last place he ever wants to be in.

“Despite what you seem to think now, Zach, we were equals.” Kyle says, still looking on Zach.

“You were my agent! How is that—”

Kyle huffs. “I was not—”

“If you start quoting some bullshit about NCAA compliance I will punch you in the nose,” Zach growls.

William maybe finds it really hot, he can’t tell with how mortified he is.

“Maybe I should leave?” He suggests.

“No. Stay.” Kyle says, voice hard.

“Don’t talk to him like that. You don’t get to—”

“Don’t assume you know anything about me, Hyman.”

“You’re such an asshole,” Zach says, tone casual, but he looks furious. “I don’t fucking need to assume. You were my boyfriend, Kyle. You were older and smarter and you made my dream come true by getting me to Toronto. You had all the power, all the time and then the moment things changed and I no longer was this big eyed twenty year old who followed you blindly, you went and dumped me. So fuck you for pretending that I don’t know how you are.”

“Fuck me? Fuck you, Zach,” Kyle raises his voice, almost shouting. William didn’t know that was a thing he was capable of. “I made the right choice for both of our careers. You know that. I freaking lo—”

William blinks, holding his breath and shaken despite himself. He’s been dating Kyle for a year now and nobody has said anything about love.

But it makes sense, no one could ever not love Zach.

Kyle looks at William for the first time since he’s entered the room. Will doesn’t know anything anymore, he’s not sure what his face is doing or what is happening here.

He’s not jealous. He’s not - you can’t be jealous of something that hasn’t existed for years now. He’s just, surprised. Shocked.

“You know I’m sorry for how things ended between us.” Kyle turns back to look at Zack. He’s back to sounding in control, even though he’s not quite back to his usual composed self.

“Hasn’t stopped you from doing the exact same thing to Will,” Zach’s voice is hard. “What the flying fuck are you doing, Kyle? He’s a decade younger than you.”

William turns around and leaves then. He’s not proud of himself at that moment, but he doesn’t think he could stay in that room any longer.

* * *

“Hey,” Zach says when he finds William hiding in the equipment room. Or, not hiding, distracting himself - he's sharpened two sticks so far and he's almost sure they're his

“Hey.” William answers brightly.

There is very little he wants less than talk about any of it right now, but it doesn't seem like Zach is going to let it drop

“You know.” Zach says, looking straight ahead, his voice wet but determined. “We broke up because he said he couldn’t risk anyone finding out.”

It’s sad and heavy, William fists his hands, helpless. He thinks he’d given anything to have Zach not be hurt like that.

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, okay?”

“I still am.”

“I’m—” Zach groans, “Fuck, I’m just sorry I’m projecting my issues onto you. I guess I’m still angry.”

He doesn’t sound angry, he sounds sad.

“I get it,” Zach laughs, “It makes sense, Willy. It’s not like I’ve been pining all this time, but I’ve thought about it, you know. Like really stupid stuff about why I wasn’t good enough, what I was missing for him to consider me worth the risk. I used to say to myself that that’s immature and unhealthy. That it wasn’t on me. But then I think about you guys together and I think oh yeah, Willy’s obviously worth all the risks.”

“Zach,” William tries, helpless. “You’re worth all the risks too.”

They’re silent for a while and William thinks about what Zach said, about projecting.

“God,” Zach laughs, incredulous. “I just can’t believe I thought you were dating some girl all this time.”

William snorts.

“Yeah, I can’t either. You’re supposed to be the smart one, Zachy.”

* * *

_Where are you?_ Kyle texts him five minutes after William’s left his office.

_I’m sorry_ William texts back and turns off his phone.

He turns up at Kyle’s at 2 am that night and climbs into bed with him, clings to his back, and holds on to Kyle with all he has.

“I hope you at least know which one of us you’re jealous of here,” Kyle says, quietly.

William does. He doesn’t feel ready to admit it, though.

“We’re going to talk about it,” Kyle mutters sleepily and turns in William’s arms.

They never do.

* * *

“Have you ever noticed shotgunning a beer and shotgunning a joint are two very different things?” William asks Zach.

They’re lying on Mitch’s hotel bed, buzzed and loopy. They just flew in, and Zach is travelling with the rest of them, finally. Babs refuses to say if he’ll end up playing before the month is out or not, but at least he’s there.

“I never thought of it, but I guess you’re right.” Zach says. “Huh.”

“I’m smarter than you,” William says cockily.

Zach snorts, but it’s so overwhelmingly fond it doesn’t fool anyone.

He wants to kiss Zach so much he thinks he might scream with it.

William keeps waiting for it to go away, this guilty feeling that sits heavy in his chest, telling him he’s doing something wrong. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone, can’t even imagine making Kyle doubt how important he is to William for even a second.

It’s just, he doesn’t know how to turn it off. It’s not like he noticed how or why it happened. Zach is his friend, but he could also be more than that, William thinks, if he let him. Only he can’t.

It’s this unspoken thing - he would catch Zach looking back at him sometimes and think that yeah, maybe if things were different. If the timing was different.

They get even closer. It’s natural, William thinks, they share an understanding now, a set of experiences that are unique to the two of them. They don’t need to talk about it to know it’s there.

* * *

“I don’t think you’re happy,” Kyle tells him over dinner at his place and William sighs.

“I think you’re overlooking how happy scoring two goals made me tonight.”

“I love you so much,” Kyle says, reaches out to take William’s hand. Will blinks because, that’s. That’s definitely new. But Kyle is not done. “I want to give you everything I can, but you’re missing things by being with me. I don’t want you to resent me.”

Will frowns because as love declarations go, it’s a little underwhelming.

He kind hoped the whole thing would go away, but fuck it, looks like they’re gonna have to talk about it.

“You know how Zach and I are different people?” he says carefully.

Kyle smiles at him. “I’m aware.”

“So I don’t want you to, like, project your issues with him onto me.”

“That,” Kyle frowns, blinks at William. “Sounds suspiciously like something Zach would say.”

William laughs, despite himself, and Kyle joins him. It’s nice, light, makes William feel a little saner.

“I actually don’t think the situations are similar at all, despite Zach what might say.” Kyle says, still smiling.

“Okay.”

“I think—” Kyle sighs. “I think you might have a crush on him, a little.”

“Kyle.”

“I get it, Will. Trust me, I do. I’ve dated him for two and a half years.”

William squints at him. Because there is no chance in hell he’s admitting to having a crush on Zach, not here, not now, not ever. He maybe doesn’t have the best track record with dating, but he knows that’s not a good idea.

“And I think Zach feels the same. So what I’m trying to say is that we can explore that,” Kyle continues, his cheeks turning red. “All of us. Together.”

And oh. William lets that sink in, what it means. All of them together. It’s actually really sweet of Kyle to offer, and William lets the gratitude wash over him.

“And it’s not like we could ever try it with anyone else,” Kyle says, when Will stays silent. “It would be too much of a risk. So I think Zach’s our best option if we’re going to, anyway.”

“Stop talking,” William says, smiling. “You know that’s bad negotiation.”

“We’re not negotiating.” Kyle says.

Like hell they aren’t, the only problem is William isn’t sure what Kyle thinks he’s countering here. William was never going to, what, cheat on him. Ask for an open relationship. Whatever.

Still, the thought of getting to do that. With both Zach and Kyle.

“So,” William tries it out, just to make sure. “You want to have a threesome?”

“Just the one time.” Kyle says, quickly.

“That’s still a threesome.”

“Yes, I guess.” Kyle rolls his eyes, but William knows he’s just calling a duck a duck here, no need to be a prude.

“Cool,” he says, because at the end of the day William is twentythree it’s a _threesome_.

“William.”

“What?” William asks, honestly confused, he said yes without arguing even once.

“Could you say something other than cool, please?”

“Uhm. You’re welcome?” He’d do a fistpump, but he’s pretty sure that would be worse, not better.

“God, help me.” Kyle sighs, but they’re both grinning.

* * *

He lets Kyle deal with asking Zach. He’d rather not be the one turned down if Zach’s not into it, and in usual Kyle fashion he has made a list with a bunch of rules he wants them all to follow - William’s gone through it once already and that was one time too many. Like either of them is stupid enough to take pictures or some shit.

_??_ Zack sends him the next day and William guesses Kyle isn’t wasting time with this. It makes him feel a little better, like it’s proof this is something he’s doing for both of them.

_THREESOME_ William send back.

“Are you sure?” Zach asks as soon as William picks up the phone.

“Zach,” William says. “It’s for fun.”

He knows he sounds pleading, can’t hide it.

“Kyle said just the one time,” Zach says quietly, William wished he knew what he was thinking, but it's hard for him to read Zach without seeing his face.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know, Will.” Zach says.

William knows himself pretty well. He’s the kind of person who needs to know, even if it’s just once, even if it means actually ruining their friendship, or his relationship, or both. All he knows is that Zach is an incomparable force in his life, and William has always followed his instincts.

Zach isn’t like that. He’s measured and ambitious, and he makes decisions because there’s evidence they’re the right decisions to make. William can understand how this wouldn't seem like the right decision at all.

Zach says yes anyway.

* * *

William doesn’t remember all the reasons to be nervous until they’re actually there, with Zach looking young and terrified, standing in the middle of Kyle’s bedroom.William has an ugly, selfish thought about how he wishes Kyle wasn’t there, how this isn’t the first kiss he and Zach deserve. But that’s what they have.

They’re both shaking. William kind of thinks he was wrong, before, _this_ is where it’s always been leading to.

“Go on, baby, kiss Zach,” Kyle says.

So William does. They move together; rough, deep, needy, overwhelming in all the best ways except it hurts. It feels exactly like William always knew it would.

“Willy,” Zach breathes against the corner of his mouth.

There’s nothing that could stop William from kissing him again.

“Will,” Zach repeats. “I wanna.”

William has never been on the other side of this. He’s always been the one needing, the one begging. It’s intoxicating to think he gets to make Zach feel like that.

William cups his face. “What do you want?”

Zach deserves to have someone give him what he wants. Zach deserves anything and everything.

“Just, want you.”

“Of course, tell me what to do?”

He doesn’t say it to mean it like that, like something to give away, but there’s understanding behind Zach’s eyes at that so maybe he did. Zach cups his neck, pulls at William’s hair until their mouths are crashing again, fitting against each other effortlessly already.

Zach takes over the kiss, and it’s beautiful; it’s forceful but sweet, and it’s full of promise.

William is breathing heavily when Zach lets him go.

“You’re going to fuck me,” Zach says.

“What? Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Zach looks sideways at Kyle. “Want to help with the prep?”

“Yeah.” Kyle agrees, voice slightly hoarse. “Clothes off?”

“Hell yeah,” William gets naked first, just gets his sweatshirt off in a single motion and shimmies down his sweats as he sits back against the headboard.

He catches Zach staring, shirt off but still holding on to it. William smiles at him, tries to be playful, light.

“Come here, Zachy.”

Zach smiles and reaches down to his fly, but Kyle gets there first. Hugs Zach from behind and sucks gently on Zach’s neck and shoulder as Zach leans back into him.

They look good together. William has been thinking about the two of them for a while now, so it’s not exactly surprising, but it is heady, almost intoxicating, to see how they move against each other. He looks on as one of Kyle’s hand roams over Zach’s chest, flicking over a nipple while the other expertly undoes his jeans.

It’s like Kyle’s unwrapping Zach for him.

“Come on, come on,” William’s never been patient, and while he is more than enjoying the show, he wants to touch and Zach is still wearing his boxers. “Get naked already.”

Kyle rolls his eyes, but he detangles himself from Zach and lets the other man get naked, quick and efficient.

Zach gets on the bed and crawls to William. Which is, just. William’s pretty sure this is the sexiest thing that ever going to happen to him.

“Holly fuck,” he says and kisses Zach once he’s crawled on top of him. He’s not sure he could ever stop kissing him.

They make out, it’s soft and slow, William trying to distract himself from how he can feel Zach rocking his hips, what it must mean when Zach would shudder or pause to just breathe against William’s neck. He tries to stay in the moment, breathe in Zach’s smell and remember how he tastes instead of thinking about what Kyle is probably doing. Tries not to pay attention to the sounds of Kyle using his fingers on Zach, getting him stretched and open, ready for Will.

It’s Zach who pulls back and says, shakily, “Now.” His eyes are blown wide and dark.

“Condom?” William asks, because he remembers the rules, and Zach turns back to look at Kyle, who just sighs like it’s some huge sacrifice on his part and gets up to go bring one.

“I’m gonna rock your world,” Zach tells Will, kisses him quickly on the lips, just a peck, but William still surges up to follow his lips when Zach sits up.

“Maybe I’m gonna rock yours,” he counters, breathless, and Zach huffs, amused.

“Can’t wait.”

It’s such a Zach thing to say, endearing and challenging, matter of fact.

William scoots down on the bed and Zach gets the condom on him once Kyle is back. It takes no time until Zach straddles him and grasps William’s cock in his hand, guiding him into himself, pushing back slowly.

William just stares up at him. Zach’s eyes are closed and his mouth is slightly open, he looks like he’s trying to concentrate. He’s tight, impossibly so, and William runs a soothing hand down his flank. His world has narrowed down to where Zach is currently sinking onto his cock, looking like he’s focused on getting it right.

It feels like it takes forever, William's too afraid to move, tries to let Zach set the pace. They both groan when Zach finally bottoms out.

“Jesus,” Zach says, smiling, eyes blinking open. “That’s a lot of dick.”

William wants to laugh, but it comes out breathless, needy.

“Move, please,” he says.

“Lazy, man,” Zach grins at him, eyes shining.

But he dose move, sets a fast and dirty rhythm, leans back so that William can look at him.

So William looks. Traces the way Zach's muscles move, strong arms and shoulders holding himself up with effort, tries to get his fill of Zach's shoulders, his, arms, his thighs, his thighs, his nipples. Zach's cock is red and full and William wants to touch him, but he doesn’t dare.

“Oh, fuck.” Zach says. “Feels so good, Willy. So good for me.”

He’s gorgeous, in control and demanding, taking whatever pleasure he needs from William’s body while William just tries to meet his thrusts and keep up.

“Come on, need you to move, Will. Come on, come on, please,” Zach is muttering.

“Fuck, Zach. Yeah.”

There’s nothing that matters in that moment except Zach, the way he feels and sounds, how he is filling all of William’s senses, and there’s no room for anything or anyone else. It’s jarring when the bed dips and Kyle joins them. William didn’t quite forget what the three of them are doing, he was just, understandably, overwhelmed.

William expects Kyle to touch him, but he kisses Zach instead , holds him by the nape and crushes their mouths together. It looks amazing; dirty and raw. It’s obviously distracting Zach because his movements shift and he starts these long slow rolls of his hips.

“Zach, wait,” he says, and bends his legs, dislodging Zach and interrupting the other two men’s kiss as he does it.

“You good?” Zach asks, looking down. “Wanna change things up?”

“This is great,” Will says quickly, because he really doesn’t. He likes Zach on top. “I wanted to get a bit more leverage.”

Zach just laughs again and he gets back on William’s cock, this cheerful, happy sound that William feels like he could get addicted to. Will raises himself on his elbows and Zach meets him halfway, their kiss simple, neither of them patient enough for more that just pressing their lips against each other.

When Zach straightens William searches for Kyle, meets his eyes and moans quietly until Kyle kisses him too, deep and passionate.

Kyle lays down next to them, still clothed, and just watches. William wonders how they look, needy noises and desperate movements, so obviously into each other. He wants to feel guilty, but he can’t, not when it’s the only time with Zach he gets.

The new angle is even better, Zach leaning on William’s thighs as William thrusts into him. Will moves his hips up and up and Zach is moving to meet him each time, almost desperately, head thrown back and running his mouth with filthy mindless words.

“Fuck me deeper, Will, wanna come on your cock so much.”

And it’s not fair how hot that is, because William refuses to come, needs this to last, needs to get as much from this as he can.

“Stop talking, I’m going to come if you don’t shut up,” he mutters and Zach tries laughing, but William fucks into him at the same time and it comes out as a moan, loud and obscene.

“Want you to, want your come in me. Come on, Will, fuck me harder.”

William does, digs the balls of his feet into the bed and does the best he can to nail Zach’s prostate every time.

Zach gets a hand into Williams hair, both of them too sweaty for it to feel this good, but it does.

“God,” Zach whispers. “Look at you.”

William always thought that being in control meant you’re doing the fucking, but Zach has him, wholly and totally, and William thinks this might be what it feels like to have his world rearrage itself around another person. It feels like Zach is holding Will’s heart in his hand.

He looks up at him and tries to commit to memory every detail of how Zach looks, sweaty and desperate, eyes wide as he chases his orgasm. Kyle starts jacking Zach off and it’s too much, too real, the way Kyle’s hand looks on Zach’s dick, the way Zach doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself, trying to chase Kyle’s hand and Will’s cock at the same time.

“Fuck, I’m so close,” he mumbles, “So good, Willy. So fucking hard. Fuck.”

He comes in short breathy groans, eyes shut and biting his lip. He keeps riding William, his muscles rippling as his orgasm runs through him, Kyle milking his cock onto William’s stomach.

William’s sure he’ll be leaving bruises on Zach’s sides now, but he can’t help it, Zach is so tight around him, keeps babbling nonsense about William’s dick and how big it feels.

“God, how is that you still can’t shut up in bed?” Kyle asks.

“Come and make me,” Zach smirks, breathless.

And it must be some code they both understand because before William can properly follow how it happens, Kyle is kneeling besides Zach, gripping him by the hair, guiding him towards his own cock, red and angry between his open slacks, and Zach takes it, closes his eyes and hums, pleased.

He’s obviously orgasm-drunk and not focused enough to do much except let Kyle fuck his face, but the sight of that is enough to drive William over the edge.

“God, I’m-” he says before feeling Zach tighten around him again, and it’s over. He’s been waiting for so long, and he can’t take it anymore, he stops holding on to it and lets his orgasm wash over him.  
  
Zach stays where he is even when William's done, which is a little weird, but also super hot. William's never stayed inside someone after he's come, and there's something surprisingly intimate about it.

We watches on as Kyle uses Zach mouth, pets Zach's head until he leans back. It's hot, but it's also kind of horrible, a heavy bitterness that makes him want to stop them. Makes him want to keep Zach for himself and never let anyone else touch him.   
  
It's hypocritical and ugly, but William can't help himself, can't help feeling protective over Zach as he slides his hands through the hair on his thighs, possessive and guilty.   
  
"Like the view?" Zach grins up at Kyle, oblivious to how much he's shaking Will's world by simply existing, and Kyle obviously does, jerks himself off, hard and fast, until he's adding to the mess on William's stomach.

William thinks he should probably remove the condom and clean himself up but he stays there, lying heavy and breathless, with Zach still straddling him. He closes his eyes and tries not to panic. He is so, so fucked. 

* * *

William's mouth is pressed against Zach’s shoulder and Zach’s fingers are in his hair as they're falling asleep, Kyle lying across from them on the bed. He's not really sure what's next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2.5K words into this fic I realized I wasn’t just writing a tropy threesome romcom - I was basically writing a Bridget Jones' Diary Hockey AU. Only in my version Mark and Daniel just slept together instead any wife-seducing going on. Despite those similarities, as you can see, I refused to change my narrative or characterization and did not tag this as a mashup.
> 
> Because I like this version of them. And I don’t care what anyone thinks (that’s a lie, I care a lot - please don’t judge me too much). I also hope Kyle doesn’t read too much like a villain in this, since despite ending up being cast in in the Hugh Grant/Wickham role he really tried to do everything right.


	2. Chapter 2

William wakes up alone.

It takes him a few minutes, when he’s well into his morning routine, until the previous night catches up to him. He stares at himself in Kyle’s bathroom mirror, face wet and a mouth full of toothpaste and thinks huh. Because that happened.

William doesn’t regret it. He doesn’t. He just wishes he was ready to face the repercussions a little more head on.

He walks carefully into the open living room, Kyle and Zach are both sitting on the couch, huddled together but not actually touching. Zach is shirtless, and he has his hands crossed in front of himself, William feels cold just from looking at him. Kyle is saying something, but it’s too soft for William to make out the words.

“Hey,” William says carefully.

Both men turn to look at him, as if his appearance is a surprise. William is ready to build up steam over the assumption he can’t wake up as early as them, but then he notices Zach’s eyes are red.

“He slept on the sofa,” Kyle tells William, as if that’s supposed to mean something, as if William was supposed to know and stop it.

“Why?” William asks, looking at Zach, who just shrugs and refuses to meet his eyes.

“It’s not a three person bed,” Zach smiles a little and William would usually be the first in line to discuss how sub-par Kyle’s bed is but that’s not something Zach would ever care about. He wants to say they would’ve made space for him, he’s not sure if he should push it, because Zach definitely doesn’t owe him an explanation about anything, especially if he just didn’t want to be tangled with William all night.

It’s his first threesome, so he’s not sure what’s appropriate to do now it's over. Not sure what to say to Zach.

He wants to say thank you, and ask if he did okay and there’s another part of him that wants to just handcuff himself to Zach and never let him leave his side. But he also wants to pretend it never happened. And he definitely wants to get on his knees and beg Kyle to change his mind and make this a thing they do all the time instead of just for a night. It’s confusing, and a little overwhelming, but he can’t even detangle all of that because Zach is in front of him, looking too far away and too sad.

“Anyway,” Zach says and stands up. He’s not even wearing a shirt, but William can’t help but think he looks done, like he’s leaving. It’s a little scary how fast William’s throat goes tight, how panicky he feels at the thought of Zach disappearing on him right now.

“Can I,” William starts saying but gets stuck because _touch you_ sounds too wrong and way too honest right now. But he needs to physically make sure Zach is not going anywhere just yet, so he does an unclear motion instead.

“Can I hug you?” he asks in a rush.

“Of course,” Zach says, standing up.

Zach is warm and solid as William wraps his arms around him. It’s a lot of skin on skin contact, and William might be a little chubbed up because he’s a guy and he woke up like that, but there’s nothing at all sexual about how they’re touching. It makes the anxious feeling under William’s skin calm down, makes everything calmer and more solid. He just feels close to Zach, and that’s sort of grounding.

He opens his eyes and meets Kyle’s gaze. Kyle smiles warmly at him, and it makes him feel a little better, like they’re all going to be okay. Not that there’s a reason they shouldn’t be, but William has maybe been afraid last night would irrevocably break something important.

“Thank you,” Zach says, hands resting carefully on Willaim’s sides, still too subdued for William’s taste.

William doesn’t want to let him go, but there’s a limit to how long two dudes can hug before it becomes uncomfortable.

“I think I’m gonna go home,” Zach says, as they let go. William wants to tell him no, but that can’t be normal.

“Sure. That was fun, eh?” he says, because he’s an idiot, but Zach and Kyle both laugh, so that’s good.

* * *

It’s not like William is distracted by Zach throughout practice, but it’s not like he can focus on anything else either. It’s like he wants to check up on Zach all the time, just make sure he’s still there and okay with everything. He wants to talk to him, but he doesn’t know what he could even say, so he doesn’t.

“What’s with the smiles?” Auston asks as they shoot pucks playfully at Kappy, who’s playing goalie despite vocally objecting the entire thing only two minutes before.

“Maybe he’s been getting it more than you,” Kassu shouts, always loyal.

William wants to shake it off, but he doesn’t like it, this feeling he gets when his life is talked about, even when it’s just a joke. He doesn’t think whatever else is happening is affecting how he acts on the ice.

“Doubt it.” Auston smirks and sends a quick pass at William, it connects easily before William briskly sends it past Kappy and into the net.

“Quality over quantity, baby,” William says, eyebrows raised. It’s easy and light, and it costs him nothing to be glib, but it doesn’t sit well with him.

Zach skates over, turns to say something to Auston and William wants - something - wants his attention, and to kiss him right there on the ice in front of Auston, Kappy, and a dozen other people he cares about, wants to say something meaningful, like _I didn’t know sex could be like this before you_. He doesn’t, but he bumps into Zach, playful and stupid.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, grinning.

“Still part of the team, Nylander,” Zach huffs, but he’s smiling.

“Funny, didn’t see you on the ice for a game in a while, Hyman.” Auston teases and it’s so easy and so familiar.

“Working on it.” Zach says.

It’s just the three of them, standing on home ice and grinning and it feels achingly familiar, William can’t help but think of how in some way, despite everything that happened or will happen this will always be his line. It’s him, with Matty and Zach, feeling like he could do anything and everything when it’s with these guys.

It doesn’t matter that Zach is no longer on their line because of Auston, or that Auston doesn’t actually know about this huge secret William is hiding, or that William might be seriously in love with Zach.

“Hey, assholes, what is going on?” Kappy shouts and William doesn’t have a choice, skates to him and tries to tackle his giant stupid ass.

* * *

He’s not sure what to do. He likes Kyle a lot, wants to be with him, but that doesn’t sit well with how he feels about Zach. He’s pretty sure you shouldn’t date other people when you’re already in love with someone.

He spends two hours googling polyamory and just trying to figure out what any of these words on the screen mean. It feels too complex and complicated to apply to hisown life, he’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to have more than one relationship. So that’s not really for him, but some things people write resonate. 

Like honestly and communication. That seems like something he should be doing regardless. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kyle asks almost as soon as William walks into the door. It’s late, full three hours later than William said he’d come over, but Kyle is still up.

William scratches the back of his head and says “Yeah, sounds good.”

But they don’t talk, not immediately. Instead, Kyle takes him by the hand and leads him into the bedroom.

Kyle undresses him, slow and methodical, kisses him gently on every new uncovered patch of skin. It’s a stark contrast to the previous night, to how fast and confusing things were with Zach. It’s still makes him want, but it’s a steady sort of heat, comfortable and pleasant. William doesn’t say anything. 

They’re still in their boxers when they get on the bed and Kyle kisses him. It’s too easy to open up for him. William wants to protest, feels wrong to do this, considering. But he just closes his eyes and lets it happen, marvels at feeling secure in the knowledge that Kyle knows exactly what he wants and what he needs. 

“What are you thinking?” Kyle asks, and William doesn't think he can say anything but the truth. 

“I messed up.” He confesses. 

“Oh, Will,” Kyle starts, but William cuts him.

“No, I messed up. I knew it was more important to me than i told you, and that wasn’t cool.”

“Yeah,” Kyle breathes deeply. “But I can’t say I’m surprised.”

“I’m sorry.”

Kyle rubs a soothing hand over William's thigh, almost mindlessly. But William knows everything Kyle does is deliberate, purposeful.

“What do you want to do now?” He asks

William shrugs, tries to be as honest as he can.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I think it’s time you did know" Kyle looks stern, determined, but not angry. "Do you want to break up? Take a break? Ask me to trade you somewhere else? Trade Zach s—”

He’s too matter of fact about it and that, more than anything, makes William worry, because Kyle does not like situations he’s not in control of. And if this is Kyle trying to get on top of whatever is happening then, well, it’s not going to end well. This is about people and emotions and it’s not something anyone can just decide and act on the way Kyle does, matter of factly and ruthlessly. Except while there’s very little Kyle can control about this in terms of the people involved, he has all the power when it comes to hockey.

“You want to trade Zach.” William’s meant to ask rather than blurt it out, but it seems obvious now. Zach is a problem for Kyle and Kyle has the power to remove it. ”You can’t. If you do, I don’t—”

“Come on, Willy,” Kyle sighs. “No one’s trading anyone.

“You promise?” William asks. He knows it sounds childish but he can’t help it, but Kyle doesn't call him out on that, just nods wearily and it’s not like anything William could say will stop Kyle from doing exactly what he wants. 

“Will, if nothing else will convince you, trust me when I say you have a lot more ammunition to use against me than I’ll ever have on you or on Zach,” he says and Will doesn’t quite follow the logic, but it’s easier to trust the cold analytical explanation. 

It feels surreal and disorienting, lying in bed practically naked and basically threatening each other. That it’s the same bed where William fucked Zach a little less than twenty four hours ago doesn’t help. 

“I don’t know what I want,” he says again and lets himself sound as lost as he actually feels. A little show of vulnerability as a gift of good faith, it seems appropriate - in a way he’s been negotiating with Kyle since the very start. 

Kyle shuffles closer, hugs William until they’re entwined. It makes William feel better. Makes him feel so much worse.

“Whatever you decide you want to do,” Kyle says. “I hope you know I’m here for you.”

It doesn’t really help Will feel any less like a horrible human being. 

They fall asleep like that, touching everywhere they can despite the heat already being on in Kyle’s apartment. 

They wake up in the middle of the night, desperate and needy, and have the messiest sex they ever had. It’s just skin sliding against skin, inelegant and uncoordinated, trying to slot their bodies together and find some sort of rhythm. 

It doesn’t quite feel good, too dry and hard, but William doesn’t mind, just holds on to Kyle and closes his eyes as hard as he can, chases his orgasm until he doesn’t have to think about how it feels wrong to be doing this. 

He leaves first thing in the morning.

* * *

He doesn’t do anything. Life is busy enough with hockey being the main focus in his life, so he just lets the routine of game then practice, practice then game wash over him. 

Zach is there, finally playing, jumping on William when he scores on the PK and shouting excitedly in his ear. It’s his favourite version of Zach; dependable, and smart, and funny like he always is. He’s always been William’s friend first and foremost and William isn’t ashamed to admit he’s relieved it seems they’re both clinging to that, despite anything else that might be going on. 

Kyle is there too. William doesn’t see him a lot, and he isn’t sure if it’s intentional on Kyle’s part or if it’s just the normal amount of facetime you’re supposed to have with your GM, and William just had a warped sense of what’s normal because he got used to having him more present in his life. William has been avoiding Kyle'scalls and texts the first few days, and after a while Kyle stops trying to reach out. He’s pretty sure Kyle is the type of person to try and deal with problems by willing them away, so William just assumes this is how they’re supposed to be interacting now, as coworkers. 

He’s not trying to make any decisions, so it’s surprising that he ends up making one anyway.

He’s in a club with the team when he makes up his mind, celebrating a hard earned win. William’s a little drunk, but in a nice, easy way, and he lets himself be dragged onto the dance floor by Mitch. Regardless of how content or buzzed he may be, watching Mitch become more and more spazzy is really not William’s idea of a good time, so he tries to mingle, seeks out the rest of the team. 

He ends up dancing with Zach and Kappy, first trying for some sort synchronised dancing with Kappy while Zach is delightfully laughing at them, and then sharing knowing looks with Zach as Kappy starts turning away from them towards some girl who’s grinding against her friend just behind them. 

They’re left alone and the club is packed so Zach puts his hands on William’s shoulders. He’s grinning and he tugs on William’s hair, says something William can’t hear at all over the music, probably chirping him or Kappy or someone else.

They’re just dancing, not even touching, despite how crowded the place it. But William knows how Zach’s mouth tastes now, has had Zach’s weight on top of him, pinning him down. He knows how Zach looks when he comes, when he’s sucking cock, when he’s getting fucked. 

He knows what it is like to feel owned by this man and have him look back in wonder. It’s not a shock to think he wants Zach to always look at him like that, because if he’s being honest in himself he’s always wanted that, years and years now. 

It’s not a sudden realization, but it leaves him shaken all the same. He wants to fuck Zach and get fucked by him and a million other things. Wants to slide his hands down Zach’s ass right there in the club and ask him if he wants to go somewhere private, or like, just to the bathroom so William can get his mouth on every possible part of Zach currently hidden by clothes. 

William doesn’t do that, because that’s not all he wants from Zach. Because he wants to take him home and cook him dinner and tell him how wonderful and talented he is. Because he needs to end things with Kyle before anything else can happen.

He goes home alone, mind reeling.

* * *

If someone were to ask William what he’s doing he wouldn't even know where to start. He doesn’t mind admitting he’s usually pretty self-obsessed and selfish, so yeah, it does take him way too long to notice this whole thing he’s going through might be hurting other people, namely Kyle.

The problem is, it did take him way too long to see he might be in the wrong here, and it’s way too late when he recognizes he should be doing something about it. There’s nothing he can do but try and do better now, but it still sucks. 

“I think we should break up.” he tells Kyle. 

Kyle sighs, as if this conversation is some inconvenience. He takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes for a few seconds, lets his palms rest against his mouth like he needs to think about it.

“I’m breaking up with you.” Williams repeats.

They’re in Kyle’s office, which William thought would be a safe space for this conversation, but right now it just makes him feel like a child in the principal's office. Kyle just rolls his eyes.

“I didn’t know we were doing this,” he says dryly.

“Doing what?”

“Talking about it,” Kyle sounds more tired than angry. “We haven’t been together for a while now.”

William frowns. “Okay.”

“We haven’t talked for three weeks,” Kyle repeats, and William knew that, but he didn’t quite realize that was a decision in and of itself. 

Kyle seems to sense William’s unease and just rolls his eyes again. “Fine, if you want to break up officially, let’s break up.”

He should be happy about how easy this is, but William has been agonising over this for what feels like months and the way Kyle says it, so flippantly, doesn’t sit well with him.

“You could, you know, at least show you care.”

“Oh, I care,” Kyle bites, obviously annoyed. “I just got over this breakup three weeks ago. You know, when you first stopped answering my texts or calls.”

“I needed time to think,” William says, and it sounds stupid now he says it out loud.

“I just didn’t expect you to be that immature.”

William shrugs, it’s a low blow and they both know it. He’s unsure what he should do now. 

“So, are we done?” Kyle asks, it’s short and dismissive, but William doesn’t want it to end like this.

“Kyle--“

“What else could you want, Will? A list of all the other people I dated so you could try sleeping with them too?”

“That’s not,” William tries and he really doesn’t want to fight with Kyle. “It’s not about Zach.”

“Oh, I hope not,” Kyle says, and it’s an ugly, dark thing that makes William want to cringe. “Because it’s going to destroy this team if it is.”

* * *

William planned on talking to Zach immediately after he and Kyle were over, but he can’t now. He knows that a lot of what Kyle said was hurt and bitterness rather than his real opinion, it’s like stupid chirps you throw on the ice because you’re trying to get someone to hitch and falter. It’s not something Kyle really believes, just something he thinks will hurt William. And William kind of deserves it, so.

Maybe he needs to reconsider some things before talking to Zach. 

But he can’t just do nothing, so he does the one thing he should’ve done ages ago and tells Kassu about Kyle. He doesn’t mention Zach in any sort of way, because he doesn’t really know what he could even say. Just focuses on the big _hey, I’m gay. And oh, by the way, I dated our GM for a year but I’m pretty sure we broke up. _

“Dude,” Kassu says once William is done talking. _"Dude.”_

William is covering his eyes with his arm, he’s not ready for this to go down badly. “Is this a bad or a good reaction? I honestly can’t tell.”

“Hmm,” Kappy pauses, considering, and it’s kind of comforting, that he actually checks how he feels about it. “Pretty good, I guess. Like, I knew you were dating someone on the down-low.”

“Bro. You did?” William laughs, can’t help himself. It’s more awkward than he ever remembers a conversation between them ever being, but it’s good. 

“Yeah, you’re not subtle, man.” Kassu kicks him in the thigh and William feels a little bit more stable, like life is normal if Kassu is willing to initiate any sort of touching. “I even guessed it’s someone inappropriate with how long it took you to come clean about it. But, Dubas. Man. Did not expect that.” 

William bites his lip. Considers the other inappropriate thing in his life.

“Who did you think it was?”

“I dunno. Some friend of your mom’s. Or, like, Matty’s sister.”

“Ew.” William giggles and Kassu tackles him. It’s nice, having Kassu try and pretend he’s not full on hugging William, and he pretends to fight Kassu off, laughing at the stupidity of this, at the sheer relief coursing through him.

“Did you tell anyone else on the team?” Kassu asks, and William thinks it’s safe to be honest there.

“Zach knows,” he says and Kassu nods, thoughtful. Right, William reminds himself, because Zach's open with the team about his own sexuality, and so of course William would come out to him.

“So, what’s your type, man?” Kassu asks.

William frowns. His type used to be older guys, because they were the safest. But Zach doesn’t quite fit that, and William’s pretty sure Zach is the only person he’s actually ever been in love with. 

He shrugs. 

“Willy,” Kassu whines, so William bites his shoulder until Kassu yelps and lets him go. 

“You’re disgusting,” he says. “I was trying to help.”

“Aw, gonna help me pull?” William smiles.

“Not anymore.” Kassu mutters and William smiles brightly at him. Kassu’s the best.

That is, until he’s the worst. They’re playing the Islanders in freaking Long Island and William feels cheated out. He likes New York, likes Soho, wants to fucking go shopping like a normal person. Tyson suggestx some sort of mall instead and so they go. They probably look stupid, a group of over-grown men in an empty luxery mall, but William feels like he’s in his element. Shopping in person without fans asking for photos is the best. 

“That’s so ugly,” Kassu wanders over to tell William as he’s holding up a t-shirt.

“You don’t understand anything.” 

Zach appears on his other side, looks at the shirt’s tag and whistles. 

“You don’t understand anything either.” William tells him, playful. 

“I understand this piece of fabric can’t be worth four hundred American dollars.” Zach says, eyebrows raised.

William should argue anything is worth whatever its price tag says, but he gets distracted by the way Zach’s fingers are playing with the tag.

“Baby’s got expensive taste,” Kassu says, smiling.

“It’s not my fault I got used to expensive shit growing up,” William says, shrugging.

“Right. Because no one's ever grew up with money and still decided to be smart about spending it.” Zach rolls his eyes, but it’s teasing.

“Oh, don’t front,” William says, putting the shirt down, it’s not that great anyway. “You buy expensive shit all the time and just pretend it’s not.” 

“I do not.” Zach laughs.

“Of course you do. Come on, show us the tag,” Kassu suggests and reaches for Zach’s collar, not even waiting for Zach’s response.

William pretends he’s holding Zach down for Kappy, but he’s mostly just has his hand on Zach’s chest, which is. Very nice. 

“Hey, hey, no manhandling,” Zach protests, and tries to fight off Kappy and William as discreetly as he can, Kappy manages to grab the collar of Zach's plain white shirt, and itheway he's looking at it pulls the shirt up and reveals the bottom of Zach’s stomach, William tries not to let his mind go anywhere inappropriate. 

A salesmen coughs to their side.

“Kappy, stop,” Zach fake whispers and shake him off. Kappy steps away from Zach, hands raised and not looking ashamed at the very least. William tries not to look disappointed when he lets go as well.

Zach squints his eyes at both of them and stalks aways. 

“Oh, dude,” Kassu says, staring at Zach’s back 

“What?” William says, but he can feel himself blushing. 

“You totally like Hyms.” Kappy says, delighted.

“Don’t.” 

“I guess if you had to get the hots for a teammate, at least it’s someone who likes dudes too.” Kappy whispers. “Hmm. You should totally shoot your shot.” 

"Maybe," William says, but he can't stop smiling.

Surprisingly, or maybe not so much, William didn’t even know he was holding so much in until he’s breathing easier, and it’s impossible not to be grateful for Kassu just being himself. It’s not something Will ever thought he’d have, someone on the team who he can trust with how huge it is. 

Two people if you count Zach. And it’s a little awkward hanging out with Zach and Kassu, because Kassu doesn’t really know about William and Zach and their whole thing, but he’s still aware of something. It’s still the most freedom William ever had in Toronto.

They’re sitting in Kassu’s living room when it finally crosses the line of deniability, with William mostly watching as Kappy and Zach try out a shooter game Will never even heard about. 

“Who’s your daddy?” Kappy shouts in triumph and Zach rolls his eyes, looking annoyed. He’s such a sore loser, and William would find it adorable, if his mind wasn’t busy being blown away with the thought of Zach ever calling someone daddy. 

“In your dreams, Kappy.” Zach laughs.

“I’m game. Do you want me to call you daddy, Kas?” William asks, batts his eyelashes at Kassu.

“I would call your daddy to tell him you’ve got issues,” Kappy says. 

“Yuck. That doesn’t even make sense, dude.” 

Nevertheless, the thought stays with him until they’re in his car, driving back to the rink so Zach can go back to his own car. It's not the most efficient arrangement, but it maximizes their time together and William likes that.

“So, have you ever called someone daddy, but like, seriously?” William asks, looking at Zach from the corner of his eye. 

“Yeah.” He’s pretty sure Zach is blushing.

Huh. William isn’t even sure why he’s surprised. Zach obviously talks a lot during sex, and it’s not that big of a deal. William had only slept with one person who wanted that and William vetoed the concept before even trying it. There was enough of an age gap and William looks the way looks, he’s sure the guy got what he was looking for anyway. 

“Huh.” He says. 

“Mind you, I was younger and twinkier and it wasn’t, you know, as culturally popular. Oh my god, stop laughing.” William isn’t laughing, but he is grinning, unable to help himself. “Willy.”

“Aww.” 

“Shut up,” Zach says, but he’s smiling. 

“I just didn’t know you had it in you, dude.” 

“Well buddy,” Zach says, and he’s smiling but it’s also a little biting, a little challenging. “Maybe if you fucked anyone like you mean it instead of lying down and waiting for them to do all the work, they’d be more inclined.”

William feels his breath hitch and forces himself to keep looking ahead, keep it light. It’s more than a little thrilling, the idea of flirting with Zach outright, like they’re inching closer to being more than just this to each other.

“Maybe other people are better at doing all the work,” William says and maybe it’s a little too obvious because Zach’s smile turns a little less bright, a little more hesitant. So he goes for honesty. “Not like I have a ton of experience.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t,” William shrugs. “Not on that side of things.”

“So, you never topped?”

He can’t help but turn to look at Zach quickly, smiles as reassuring as he can at the confused look on Zac’s face.

“No, it’s basically just you and a couple of girls.”

“I had no idea,” Zach says quietly, almost whispers, and William wishes he could look at him longer and read what emotion is displayed on his face. But he’s driving, and his heart is already beating fast enough to make him be extra vigilant about focusing. 

“Well, now you do.”

“God, Will. I don’t get how you can do this.” Zach sounds a little bit in awe, and William likes that. Likes how Zach says his name, like William is some amazing thing he gets to discover. “Just. You.” 

“I am pretty great.” William agrees cockily, smiling.

He expects Zach to laugh, but instead Zach simply reaches out and squeezes William’s thigh, all comforting and present, then quickly changes the subject.

They talk about Zach’s brother and his new girlfriend for the rest of the short ride, but Zach’s hand stays on William’s thigh. And that, that’s something.

* * *

It keeps happening. These weirdly meaningful conversations that lead absolutely nowhere. 

One moment they’re sitting around with a bunch of the guys in some dive bar, all squeezed together, and the next it’s just him and Zach in the booth, still pressed against each other shoulder to thigh, talking about William's sexual history.

“Oh, wow,” William says, pointing at Auston a few feet away from them, leaning over a table with a bunch of girls that look like they’re in middle-school. “Crib-robber Matthews.”

“Well, this is a bar,” Zach muses.

“As if no one ever had a fake ID in Toronto.”

“Did you? Like, back in Sweden?” Zach asks and William shrugs.

“Nah, I got in wherever I wanted.”

“Of course you did.” Zach grins.

And William knows how he looks, but it’s nice to have it be acknowledged, especially when it’s Zach. 

“Anyway, the people I actually wanted to meet weren’t in those parties.”

Zach bumps into him playfully. “Not to your standards?”

“Well, not exactly.” William says carefully, glancing at Zach. “I mean the girls were nice, but if I was trying to pull I was looking for guys, and—” 

“Aren’t all Swedish boys supposed to be hot?” Zach asks, smirking.

“I wasn’t looking for boys.”

Zach frowns. “What do you mean?”

William sighs. He’s not really sure how to explain this one. “You’re kind of the youngest guy I’ve ever slept with.”

“Willy.” Zach sounds surprised, but also a little disapproving, as if this is something that happened to William unintentionally. “I’m five years older than you.”

“Four,” William corrects him. “And it’s not my fault going to college made you immature.” 

Zach rolls his eyes, but William knows he has a point. Hockey life, especially the way he did it, is notorious for making grown men act like teenage boys, but the reality is you grow up way earlier than that, deal with pressure and demands that most people don’t face until much later in life, if ever. He remembers being seventeen and having his dad as his teammates. That feeling of responsibility, that’s not something you forget. 

The problem is, Zach doesn’t get it. Zach was good, but nobody ever made him feel like he had to make hockey his priority. Zach had other things to be good at, to excel in. William didn’t. 

He didn’t sleep with teenagers because he never felt like one, not really. But that sounds too freaking sad, even in his head.

“Is that why—” Zach stops himself. “Sorry, it’s none of my business.“

William takes a chance and leans into Zach, just a little. He wants it to be Zach’s business, but he really doesn’t want to talk about Kyle either, so maybe they shouldn’t be having this conversation anymore. 

“I’m over this day,” he says, and he doesn’t plan on making it sound like an invitation, but he doesn’t mind if that’s what Zach thinks it is. 

“Yeah, same here.“ Zach mumbles. He obviously doesn’t read into it, because he just sighs and starts getting out of the booth.

* * *

It's only been a few weeks since he decided to maybe start something with Zach, but William feels like he's been waiting for months, and they're still in this weird frustrating limbo William can't get out of, can't get his head straight.

The team has a big stupid dinner in late November, better halves and coaching and managing staff all included, and everyone gets way too drunk. William’s not sure who’s picking up the tab, but whoever it is, they are going to regret it when they see their bank statement. 

William likes his team, likes most of their partners even, but he feels melancholy, detached. They’re supposed to be his friends, but they don’t know anything about him at all. Kappy is busy talking to his girl and William can’t help but feel awkward at being so publicly alone when Zach is just across the table. 

So he’s drunk and lonely and he finds himself bumping into Zach when he goes to take a leak. 

“Hey there,” Zach says, smiling, holds on to William's bicep because it's a small space, or because William is wobbly, or just because he can.

It’s dark, and it’s just the two of them next to a bathroom stall, Zach has this soft welcoming smile on his face, and William just wants him all the time now. 

And he’s probably even more drunk than he thought because all he can say is. “I want you all the time now.” 

Zach’s eyes go wide and he lowers his voice. “Hey, buddy—”

William shakes his head. “I’ve been waiting, and I don’t want to anymore. Come home with me tonight.” He reaches out and grabs Zach’s hand, squeezes hard. “Please.” 

Zach's eys are comically large.

“Will," he says."Please, not here.” His tone is quiet, and it comes out almost like begging. 

William nodes. “Okay, come home with me. After.” 

“Okay. Okay.” Zach says, looking around. William wants to kiss him so much. “After.”

Zach keeps staring at him throughout dinner after that, obvious in a way he never is, but it’s almost exciting, and William smiles back every time their eyes meet. Tries to be encouraging

He doesn’t know what he expects to happen. Some sort of conversation, or a confession, maybe. His mind is still loopy after Kappy and his girl drop him off and he doesn’t want that. He’s just so tired of waiting. 

It’s not his brightest idea, probably, and a very poor attempt at seduction, but by the way Zach stops at the sight of him, it’s at least a little effective

.

William’s down to a jockstrap and Zach’s sweatshirt, standing there with the door open, smirking.

“You’re a menace,” Zach’s voice is lower than it usually is, and so William pulls him into the apartment, impatient. 

“Oh, god,” he breathes out when Zach kisses him, lets the kiss go deep and demanding. “I’m so fucking tired of waiting.”

Zach makes a wounded noise at that, his hands dropping down to William’s ass, kneading possessively. That works perfectly with what William wanted anyway.

“You’re finally going to fuck me?” William asks, bites Zach lower lip. 

Zach makes some sort of agreeable sound, and so William lets go of him, turns to walk to his bedroom, knowing Zach will follow. 

Zach kisses him again when they’re inside the bedroom. “God,” he breathes. “I’m going to jerk of the image of that ass and my number” 

“If you’re good I’ll send you a pic,” William promises, plopping down on the bed and Zach laughs. “Now strip.”

“Prep,” Zach suggests as he gets rid of his clothes and William nods, frantic, gets the slick out from the bedside table and gets a finger inside himself, hurries to be done with it. Zach just laughs at his haste, kisses William’s throat and finds the distracted bottle. 

William doesn’t need the help. He can do his own prep faster and more efficient, somehow Zach seems to know he shouldn’t interfere, but he slicks a single digit and gently slides it in next to William’s. It’s enough for a while, both of them gently stretching William, Zach leisurely peppering William’s jaw and throat with kisses. William wants more, but doesn’t want to ask for it, so he adds a second finger, slides them against Zach’s and that, that’s so fucking hot. 

“You’re so good, Willy,” Zach breathes out, eyes focused where both of their hands are disappearing into William’s body, and William should be embarrassed, but he isn’t. He’s drunk on booze, and the attention and the electricity in the air. 

“Yeah?“ He breathes. 

“Yeah, so gorgeous.” Zach says, and William sighs, excited and relaxed and so, so ready for all of it, all of Zach, all the time.

“Come on, want you inside,” he says, and draws his own fingers out. Wiggles at the feeling of anticipation when Zach removes his finger as well. 

Zach disappears for a moment, but then he’s back and it’s so easy to just lie back and have Zach slot himself between his thighs, easy to let Zach pull William's left leg on his shoulder, easy to be open and ready and wait for Zach. He doesn’t say anything when Zach puts on the condom, it’s not something he wants with Zach, but he doesn’t want to stop and have a conversation either. 

“Want you in me,” he breathes against Zach’s lips when Zach bends down to kiss him.

Zach isn’t huge, but he feels perfect when he slides into William, slow and careful. William shuts him eyes and just lets himself feel it, moaning as Zach starts moving.

“Oh, yeah, babe, just like this,” he says, tries to encourage Zach to go faster, deeper.

“Yeah?” Zach asks, and he sounds unsure. Which, really doesn’t sit well with William, doesn’t make sense with the way Zach’s hips keep moving, drawing breathy moans from William every time he bottoms out.

William tries to blink his eyes open.

“Zach,” he says and Zach stops.

“You okay?” he asks, breathless, and William nods. Zach reaches out and tucks William’s hair behind his ear, he looks overwhelmed, almost unsure. It’s like the room doesn’t have enough air.

“Are _you_ okay?” William asks back. 

“I’m just,” Zach shakes his head, turns his head away and hides his face in William’s calf, kisses it absent-mindedly. William waits. “I’m afraid it will make it worse.”

And William’s too drunk to really know what he’s talking about, but he’s sure that’s not true. 

“Nah,” he says. “It will make it better.”

It’s fast and frantic after that, William pulls Zach to him and claws his fingers into Zach’s hair, his nape, his shoulders, keeps Zach close and kissing William. 

Zach gets back to it, first slow and then driving into William frantically, alternating between kissing William on the lips white he fucks him and breathing dirty words into William’s mouth. It’s gibberish, just a string of _fuck, yeah, Willy._ but it's hot.

Zach manages to find a position that nails William’s prostate in the best way possible, just gliding over it without being too much every single time and William’s cock has been leaking non-stop for what feels like hours. 

“Fuck, babe, I’m gonna come” William says and Zach kisses him, deep and soulful and William comes, completely untouched. Zach follows him a few thrusts later, and William thinks idly he must’ve held off on his own orgasm to make that happen. 

“God, Willy,” he hears Zach mutter as he falls asleep.

* * *

Zach leaves shortly after William falls asleep, but he cleans and tidies after both of the, and he does send William a text to say he locked up using his own key to William's place, which are things William has never done when bailing so he’s pretty sure Zach did not bail on him. 

But then, he hasn’t been meeting William’s eyes all throughout practice the next morning, which William isn’t very happy about. Sure, fucking without talking about it isn’t the best way to kick off a new relationship, but it’s not like this is happening out of nowhere. It’s impossible for Zach not to know how William feels. 

“You’re ignoring me.” he tells Zach when practice is done and everyone is heading home, pulls on Zach’s sleeve gently, tries to make it playful, stupid, but his heart starts beating fast.

“I’m not ignoring you, man,” Zach says and grins, reaches to ruffle William’s hair. 

“Okay. Want to come over?” William tries. 

“Uhm,” Zach sighs. “Can we maybe talk in one of the rooms instead?” 

“Sure,” William says. He doesn’t like where this is going, and he feels a little bad about the entire thing, like maybe he misread everything, like maybe he threw himself on Zach yesterday. Feels like he should try and prepare himself for disappointment, but he doesn’t want that. 

“I feel like you’re going to say something bad.” William tells Zach when they go into one of trainers’ rooms. 

“I’m not. It’s nothing, Will, I just wanted to make sure that we’re on the same page.”

“And what page is that?” William asks, voice low.

Zach licks his lips. “That we had great sex, but we probably shouldn’t anymore.”

“Hmm.” William makes a sound. He knows it sounds hurt, but good, he is. What Zach is saying is bullshit. 

“It was just sex, Will.” Zach repeats and William doesn’t get how wrong Zach can get it. 

“It wasn’t just sex. Not yesterday, and definitely not that first time. Do you really think I’m stupid,” he’s breathing so hard, his heart stuck in his throat. 

“Don’t do this, Willy.”

“Do what?” William asks, because how much worse can it really be, after all. 

“Make it more than some fun we had.” 

William blinks. He doesn't think he's making more than that, he knows it just is. It's about accepting that it is, taking this weird, complicated thing that's between them and giving it a chance. He doesn't understand how Zach can even think about stepping away from that without even trying. 

“Why the fuck not?” 

“Because you’re not fucking ready for anything else—” 

“I’m sorry?” William recoils, he knows his tone getting dangerously low. 

“I didn’t mean it, Will, just let it go.”

“No.” William insists, voice hard. “You’re going to explain yourself. Who are you to decide what I am or am not ready for.”

Zach sighs. 

“Zach.” William repeats. This is stupid, whatever it is. William has been in love with this stupid idiot for months now, maybe years, and he is not going to let Zach decide what he is and isn’t ready for. Not like this. It’s stupid, and it’s cowardly, and it makes William want to hit something with sheer frustration. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Willy,” Zach tries, almost pleading, but William is not going to let this go.

“Well then, you know, lying to me and pretending this isn’t happening sure seems to be a good way to go about it.” 

“Will.”

“No. Just,” He shuts his eyes, breathes in. He remembers how awe struck and hesitant Zach looked the night before and tries again. He doesn’t want to push Zach away, doesn’t want to force William’s own desires on him, just wants Zach to be honest and clear about this. “Just tell me.” 

“I think.” Zach says, very slowly, as if he’s practicing how the words sound. ”I might want more than you’re willing to give.”

That means nothing to William, but he knows it sounds stupid the moment he hears it.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“I want a relationship, I want to date someone and I want it to lead to real commitment,” Zach sounds determined, like those are real issues. Real problems instead some silly fear William is more than happy to dissolution him of. He’s going to commit the shit out of Zach.

“Okay?” He steps closer and cups Zach’s face gently, looks straight in Zach’s eyes. He wants Zach to know he wants exactly that, but Zach still looks upset, resolved. 

”Unless there’s—” William stops and breathes in, tells himself he needs to make sure. “Is there someone else? Are you and Kyle—“

“No. No, Will.” Zach says again, and even now, William loves how Zach says his name. Zach raises his hands to grab William’s at the wrists, but he doesn’t do anything then, just holds on. 

“So what’s the problem?” William asks, tries to be gentle, to be patient. “If I want to be with you, and you want to be with me, we can just be together.”

Zach shakes his head.

“Not really. I want to be able to introduce the person I’m with to the team, and to my parents, and— Fuck, I don’t know. I’m not saying I have to get married and start having kids right this moment, but I want to find someone that’s a constant in my life.”

“I can do that, Zach. Maybe not immediately, not the coming out part, but—”

Zach leans into William’s left hand, and for a moment William almost thinks— 

“No, that’s—” Zach says and then steps away quickly. “Will, you’re like the least stable person I know. You constantly shake my life so much - it’s like someone’s pulling the carpet from under me every time we have a fucking conversation. I can’t do this long term. And I’m not going to ruin the relationship you already have for a chance at something that makes us both unhappy and blows up in our faces in two weeks.” 

“We broke up, you wouldn’t be ruining anything,” William says. He can’t believe Zach thinks William would sleep around if he was still dating someone else, would have this conversation if there was anyone else. 

“That’s not,” Zach starts saying then audibly stops himself. William waits, anxious. “I’m sorry if I had any part in that, Will, I truly am. But I can’t do this with you.” 

Zach has his hands up, as if he’s trying to subconsciously prevent William from stepping closer to him again, and that, more than anything, makes William accept it is as final as it sounds. He nods in understanding. Zach is one of the most determined people he knows and arguing about this won’t really change anything. 

What good will fighting this further bring. He doesn’t need to hear how much he doesn’t stack up to what Zach wants any more than necessary.

“Okay,” he says. Nods again.

He doesn’t feel any different, it’s not like he lost anything here, not really. Sure, he had ideas but what they might be, but it’s not like he was shopping for a his and his bathroom set. Zach was not something William thought he could ever have, it’s not life shattering, it’s just reverting to a state he was already in.

Yeah, maybe William did hope there was something there on Zach’s end beyond some crazy good sex, but that obviously wasn’t real. Hope is nothing, potential is nothing. 

But it will pass, William knows. This isn’t the type of blow that destroys you, it’s just confidence you need to get back, and he knows how to do that. There’s no use being upset about it. 

“I’m sorry.” Zach says. 

And that hurts a little, actually. Just a dull thing in his sternum. It feels like disappointment, and anger, and love all together. William knows that feeling, it’s like losing a world championship with a team he loves and won’t get to play with anymore. It’s like watching Pasta score when they’re playing against each other and not knowing how to not be happy for him, despite everything.

Zach looks at William, biting his lower lip. “Are you—?”

Zach isn’t a mean person, except maybe when he’s connecting his fist to someone’s face when he’s fighting on the ice. In any case, he isn’t trying to hurt William now. He’s just being stupid. 

“No, I’m good.” William says, and he may be lying, but he’s not going to beg for anything here.

* * *

William lets himself wallow in it for the amount of time it takes him to perfect a sad songs Spotify playlist, which means four days. He’s not done being sad about it - this hurt will definitely linger, he knows, but he’s ready to stop letting control his life. A little heartache shouldn’t cloud the fact he has a great life overall. 

The weeks pass and that’s okay. He and Zach stop having the weird conversations they used to, but they’re still friends. It’s a little awkward, but it’s something William can live with. He thinks most of his friends are huge assholes anyway, so Zach fits in great. 

He’s hanging out with Mitch and Auston when it dawns on him that while Zach is mostly a chickenshit coward, he also, kind of has a point. Of course William feels lonely and isolated when he's hiding huge secrets from most of the people about his life. The team knows and accepts about Zach, there is no real reason they won’t about William. 

“So,” he says loudly, because really, there’s no time like the present. Mitch and Auston break off whatever stupid argument they’re having to look at William. “I’m gay.”

Auston blinks at him, and looks at Mitch, unsure what to do next. Mitch just grins.

“That’s awesome, dude!” he says.

“It is?” William asks, because that is probably the most enthusiastic anyone has ever been when their teammate came out to them. Ever.

“Yeah, Willy, we're happy for you.” Mitch keeps grinning.

Auston scratches his head. “Since when are you...?”

“Well, uhm, puberty.” William shrugs. 

“Oh. Cool.” Auston replies, and it’s not that he’s weird about it, but it’s clear he doesn’t know how to react to it.

“This makes so much sense.” Mitch says, almost to himself. 

“Sorry?” William frowns.

“Gay and European!” Mitch says and jumps up. “Just, give me a sec, I’ll text Steph.”

“You’re telling your girlfriend I’m gay?” William asks.

“Uhm, I wasn’t, but.” Mitch looks up from his phone. “Should I?”

Matts is looking at William as well and William thinks how _I was to introduce them to my family_ sounded when Zach had said it and just shrugs.

“No, you should. Just tell her to be discreet about it.” 

“Okay,” Mitch nods and then jumps triumphantly. “Found it! Just…”

“And that is how William ends up flanked by Auston and Mitch watching a bunch of people in suits singing about gay stereotypes. 

“Okay, rude,” he says to Mitch, when he’s heard enough, but all of them are grinning. 

“No, wait for it.” Mitch says and William is forced to see it until the very end. 

“Gay _and_ European.” Mitch giggles when the video has played through. 

“Oh, man, the things Steph makes you watch,” Auston comments and Mitch just grins. 

“Actually, Chris showed it to both of us,” he says.

They go off arguing about it and William settles back, watching them bicker.

* * *

William stops hiding it with the team after that, it doesn’t change a lot, but it makes it easier. Zach obviously notices, but he doesn’t say anything about it. William sort of wishes they would have acknowledged it in some ways.

It’s not like he expects Zach to come and tell him that he was totally wrong and of course William is ready for whatever relationship he wants, but he expects something. He's there' all the time, but William still misses him somehow.

The big next step is telling his mom and dad. He talks to Alex about maybe telling their parents over Christmas and he’s glad he did that because now Alex will hold him accountable to it. It makes it a real thing he’ll have to do. His parents are flying to the States with their sisters and William is both excited and anxious about the entire thing. 

For now, there’s hockey, and hockey leaves him tired enough. He’s talking over a play with Mo and Zach when he falls asleep. He’s exhausted and warm, getting up is too much of a chore. Even opening his eyes feels impossible. 

There’s a hand brushing his hair, and he knows it’s Zach. He doesn’t know how he can be so sure it’s him, it’s probably some subconscious thing, like how he smells or the familiarity of the touch, but William’s sure it’s him. Feels all the more comfortable for the security of having Zach look over him. He wonders if he should get Zach a Christmas gift.

“Willy’s asleep?” And that’s Mitch, to the left of them, probably getting ready to turn in, so they’re in William’s and Mitch’s hotel room. 

“Yeah,” Zach says quietly, somewhere just above William. 

It’s quiet again for a while, the sounds of Mitch getting ready for bed mingling with the sounds of the city outside. Zach’s fingers are gentle and cool against his skin, kind in a way William doesn’t associate with Zach anymore. William lets himself sink into it, wills himself to fall asleep like this.

He knows his head pillowed on something, probably Zach’s thigh, but he’s too tired to find that anything other than comfortable. 

“Can I ask you something?” Mitch asks quietly.

“Sure,” Zach answers before William registers he might show some sign of listening.

“Why don’t you make a move?” Mitch says, voice curious. 

Zach’s fingers halter for a second, but he doesn’t stop. William doesn’t want to be listening to this.

“Marns.” Zach says gently. “The fact we’re both attracted to men doesn’t automatically—” 

“Fuck that, I know other gay people, Hyms. That’s not what I mean. You’re crazy about each other.” 

“So are you and Matts.”

Mitch snorts. “I’m not sitting on Matts' bed brushing his hair, though.”

Zach sighs, a full body movement that flows through William’s body as if it’s an extension of Zach’s.

“It’s not that simple.” Zach says finally and William can’t bear to keep himself awake for any more of this. It’s okay, he’s not waiting, isn’t pining for Zach. It doesn’t really matter what excuses Zach wants to tell Mitch.

* * *

You’d think that William would learn that the fact he and Zach still have keys to each other’s place does not make it less of a horrible idea to just show up there, considering the last time he did that is what kind of started the entire mess. 

But he wants to return Zach his sweatshirt. Maybe as a trigger to having a conversation about Zach being an unreasonable coward who’s making them both miserable, maybe just as a first step to getting over him. William’s not really sure. He knows that it's been glaring at him from his closet. 

He really does not expect to catch them. 

Zach is perched on the kitchen island, not quite sitting on it, legs around Kyle, who’s leaning into him. Kyle has his hands on Zach’s ass, fingers digging into flesh and moving Zach to meet his own thrusts. 

It’s fast and punishing and Zach’s letting out these small gasp-like moans that Willian can hear from across the room. It’s hard and it’s intense and it’s viscerally shocking how it makes William want to throw up, considering he was fantasising about this exact image over the entire summer. 

It takes William actively stopping them for them to even notice he’s there. He wishes he could say something cutting, or clever, or memorable at least. 

“Dude.” He says loudly. At least he sounds outraged and not hurt, and then he walks out.

* * *

Zach catches him in the parking lot, when William is only a few short steps to his car. It would be easy to run to it and drive away, but he’s not the type of person who runs away from his problems, not literally anyway. 

William's not sure what he feels. It's anger, and hurt and humiliation all messed up together. He wants to be able to drive away and pretend this never happened. Wants to be far away from here, from Zach, fromToronto. Maybe book a plane ticket and go to Alex.

Zach is shirtless when he’s finally caught up to William, he's leaning against William’s car, breathless and William can't help but notice Zach is deliberately blocking the driver's door. /p> 

“Fuck,” Zach breathes hard. “I’m so sorry, Will.”

William frowns. “Is this? Some revenge thing?” 

“What? No. It’s just sex—“ 

And William can’t hear Zach say that anymore, as if sex is some small, insignificant thing that can’t matter. It makes William feels small and childish, and it shouldn’t. William has grown attached to every person he ever slept with, and he’s pretty sure that’s the right way to do it.

“It’s not just sex, Zach, stop fucking saying that.”

“Will.”

William used to love how Zach said his name, a little breathy, like it’s almost a sigh he can’t help but contain, but it hurts now, feels manipulative and cynical, and that, more than anything else, makes him want to punch someone, or break a stick, do something violent and gritty that Babs would’ve been proud of. 

“No. Fuck this, Zach. You must feel fucking great. Stupid, gullible William. All you have to do it just tell him some stupid ass lie about not being serious enough and he won’t be a problem.”

“It wasn’t a lie, Will.” Zach tries to grab his hand, but William pulls himself away.

“You can’t have it both ways! You can’t tell me I’m not ready for whatever bullshit real serious relationship you imagine and then turn around and fuck the person I broke up with to be with you—”

“I never asked you to break up with him,” Zach says quietly and they both know that’s a lie.

“But you knew I would.”

“I didn’t—” Zach’s eyes are closed and he’s obviously trying to control his tone. “It’s not about you, Will.”

William might be self-centered, but he knows that Zach is trying to get over some things that aren’t about William, that there are things between him and Kyle, Zach hasn’t gotten over yet, maybe never will. He knows that Zach doesn’t mean to do this, hurt them both this way. 

And despite all that, the fact is that the reality is they’re standing in Zach’s building’s parking lot, and Zach is blocking William’s car door and that must mean something.

“So why the fuck did you run after me, Zach?” 

“Will—” Zach blinks, taken aback, and William won’t have it.

“No. No. You don’t “Will” me. You don’t get to do that anymore.” 

Zach stares, and they’re both breathing hard. William isn’t sure how, or why, but suddenly Zach is kissing him. He surges into William, like he can’t help himself, and William, despite knowing better, kisses back. 

It’s desperate and it’s sharp, Zach biting William’s lower lip when William tries to slow it down. It’s Zach’s hands on William’s side, it’s William moaning when Zach sucks hard on his lower lip, it’s William scratching Zach's shoulders.

“Fuck you,” William says when they separate to breathe, Zach is breathing hard against his cheek. “You literally had someone else’s dick in you not ten minutes ago.” 

Zach makes a sound, it’s frustrated and turned on, and William is a horrible, horrible person because it just makes him want Zach more. It’s impossible not to kiss him again, Zach desperate and needy against him, making impossibly soft sounds like kissing William is more important than breathing. 

“What do you want?” William asks, lets his nails bite into Zach's skin, lets his anger rise to the surface even more. He feels cruel, and he knows that's the closest he'll get to feeling in control right now. “Want to be a good boy for me?”

“No, don’t,” Zach says, his face is red, pupils blown wide and William sighs and makes himself calm down, stops ignoring the part of himself that wants to care for Zach. William kisses him again, unsure what to do next. 

“Zach,” he says, as careful as he can master.

Zach shakes his head. “Please don’t be nice to me now.” He lets his hand run up William’s thigh. “Can I?” 

William sighs, this is such a terrible idea. He feels tears stinging in his eyes, more frustration and anger than sadness, and it’s just too fucking much. He feels stupid for wanting this, wanting to brand Zach with himself. He might just want Zach more than he ever wanted anything else, even the Leafs, even hockey, but not like this. He steps back, stops Zach from going with him.

Zach has his head down.

“I can’t tell if you just don’t have any self respect left or you’re really that much of a scumbag.”William says. 

“I’m sorry. Just,” Zach looks up at him, eyes shining, “Don’t go.” 

“Nothing is going to happen.” William says, stern. "I'm not letting you touch me like this."

“I know, I know.” Zach breathes and tries smiling, it’s wet and miserable. “Can we at least talk?”

“Yes.” William crosses his arms.

“Okay. Can we go up?” 

“No.” William answers fast and Zach flinches. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know. I wanted. I’m just. I’m so sorry, Will.”

“For which part of it?” William asks, curious. 

“All of it.” 

William bites his lip. He doesn’t really want to know about Zach and Kyle, but if they’re together he should know. If the only reason William matters to Zach is because he used to date Kyle, he should know. 

“Are you— Are you still in love with him?” He asks carefully.

“No, I swear not. Not since years ago. We haven’t, I would never even think about touching him if you two were still together.”

And isn’t that a big fat lie. Zach had a threesome with them when they were together. Has slept with William without knowing about him and Kyle breaking up. 

“You obviously did, Zach. I was there, remember?” 

Zach looks down, and William sighs.

“Why did you even say yes to sleeping with us?”

“Huh?”

“That first time, the threesome, why did you say yes.” William clarifies.

Zach shrugs. “For the same reason you did, I guess.” 

William is just tired of this.“That’s not true.”

“What?” Zac looks up at William, confused.

“You don’t believe that, you just say it because it’s easy.” William bites his lip, steadies his voice. “And I don’t think you realize how much of a dick move it is when you lie like that.”

“I don’t understand what you want from me, Will.”

“God, Zach, do you really not?” He sighs. “Fine, the reason I said yes was because I liked you. And I thought you liked me.” 

“Oh.” Zach blinks, recoiling slightly. 

William’s tired of Zach behaving like he doesn’t know that. “Whatever. So why did _you_ say yes?”

Zach is silent for a while, playing with the seam of his jeans. William waits him out.

“I don’t know. There’s a lot of reasons,” Zach says finally in a rush. “I was curious, I was horny, I thought it was going to help me get over this. I do like you, Will, we’re—”

And William can’t hear it right now, needs to focus on the basics first. “When you say this, you mean—”

“God.” Zach blinks. “Most of the last two months? Being forced to watch you be everything I couldn’t be? I don’t know.”

It’s heartbreaking. William remembers that conversation, after Zach just found out. He should’ve known, should’ve noticed then. He doesn’t know how to reconcile the anger and the sadness he’s feeling for Zach. Wants him, and wants him to do better, and wants to strangle him all at once. 

“Jesus, Zach, and you thought telling me to fuck you would fix any of that?” 

“Willy—” 

“No, please, tell me. Do you feel any better now? Did I fuck this out of you? Did Kyle?” He doesn’t give Zach a chance to answer. “I don’t know what’s worse. You’re either a really good liar or you’re completely delusional.”

“How can I make it better now?”

William laughs, it’s not funny at all, but he feels a sort of darkness bubbling in his throat and that’s the only way he can think of letting it out. 

“You can’t. You made me think you had feelings for me, Zach. That if only I was a little more out we could be together.”

“I’m sorry,” Zach says, looking lost. “I didn’t mean it like that. I do have feelings for you, Will. I fucking l—” 

“Don’t you dare tell me that.” William stops him.

“I’m sorry.” Zach says again. 

“No. What the fuck, Zach?” William sighs. They're silent for a while and Will wonders if Kyle is still at Zach's place. 

“I want to go home now.” He says instead.

Zach steps away from the car. He keeps standing there as William drives away. William looks back and curses himself for it. He’s isn’t quite sure what else needs to happen for him to be able to let go of Zach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nov 2019 - Made some updates to make this canon compliant. Third chapter will be posted late December.

**Author's Note:**

> 2.5K words into this fic I realized I wasn’t just writing a tropy threesome romcom - I was basically writing a Bridget Jones' Diary Hockey AU. Only in my version Mark and Daniel just slept together instead any wife-seducing going on. Despite those similarities, as you can see, I refused to change my narrative or characterization and did not tag this as a mashup.
> 
> Because I like this version of them. And I don’t care what anyone thinks (that’s a lie, I care a lot - please don’t judge me too much). I also hope Kyle doesn’t read too much like a villain in this, since despite ending up being cast in in the Hugh Grant/Wickham role he really tried to do everything right.


End file.
